F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged sell
F’d of the Day: Ping Pong Hero
Nov 4th
We are rolling in the aisles here at Fwithpeople.com HQ because some concrete numbers have come in. These figures cannot be disputed, so don’t bother trying. Here they are: 161, 109, 77, 53, 48 and 24. What do those number represent? Nope, wrong, they aren’t Sparky Andersons daily weigh-ins. They do represent, in chronological order of release, the overall view counts our Project F videos. That sigh you just let out sums up our morning. Let’s turn this shit around and F with someone in Montana. Their ad and emails are in black, Dougie Monroe types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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Ping Pong table, gently used – $250
I’m looking for a good quality, gently used ping pong table for our rec room. Will travel up to 150 miles for a good deal. $250 is the most I can pay including gas. Thanks for letting me know what you have; pictures would be great.
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From Doug:
Hello, my friend,
Your ad comes at good time, right at holidays almost. I have sold some things from home. Alot people try make cheap try for things. Try to buy my used car $300. Try to buy a microwave $8. Crazy people. You make good try for ping table. $250. This table new. Kids would rather play nintendo or text message friends. You want, you have. Please tell me if you can pick up next weekend. Thanks. Douglas.
Sent from my Droid Phone. Add Friends and Family for just $5. Please visit your local Verizon store for more details. Promotion not valid in all areas. Activation fee may be assessed. Taxes may vary from state to state. 2 year service plan may be required. There is a Verizon on your Horizon ™
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com)
Please let me know:
How old is it?
Where did you buy it, and what did it cost new?
Does it fold up vertically, and does it have wheels?
Can you send me a picture or two?
Can two people get it out of your home and load it into a trailer?
Thanks for your time and information. I am interested, and have another one I will check out also.
Diane
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From Doug:
Oh, okay, yeah, let me just settle in here for a bit to take this interview.
1. The table is 1 year(s) old, like new and gently used.
2. I bought it online from Robbins table tennis (robbinstabletennis.com.) It was $699.95 new. It’s international tournament quality, so I guess that means you can take it overseas with you if you want to compete.
3. It folds up vertically, and it has wheels which makes for easy storage. It also folds up horizontally if the table is upside down.
4. I’ll include a picture (attached as dougspingy.jpg), but you can also see it at robbinstabletennis.com.
5. Yes, it will require two people to get it out of the house and into a truck or trailer. If you are interested and show up alone, my wife Debbie will help you carry it out. She can get really amped when it comes to moving things, especially if she’s got her monthly demon.
Well, it’s a good deal, more than 50% off on a great table.
Let me know,
Doug “Topspin” Monroe
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From Doug (the next day):
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Hello, your email bounced. Everything okay?
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From Diane monb******@aol.com:
Yes, I don’t know why it would have been sent back.
That’s a really nice table! Where do you live?
I’m able to come out tonight to see it, but it may be too large for getting up the stairs into the rec room. Does it disassemble to make it easier?
Call me at 539-**** if you can. I’m going offline for awhile.
Diane
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From Doug:
Well, a lot of times when email is sent back, it usually means that the email address belongs to a spammer or someone that is trying to scam money via electronic transfer for goods that most likely don’t exist. I’ve sent a quick copy of our conversation along with your phone number to AOL, and they said they would keep a very close eye on your account activity, monitoring email behavior patterns, detecting potential spam-like material, etc.
But that table is really nice, isn’t it? I really don’t want to see it go, but we have no choice but to sell. The most important thing for me at this point is to make sure it’s going to a nice home. Sorry I missed your email last night, Debbie doesn’t like when I’m on the computer after 5pm, because she thinks it’s bad for my eyes, wrists, forearms, neckbone, posture, circulation, arthritis, and brain.
The table can be disassembled to make it easier for you to move up a flight of stairs. Can you send a picture of your hallway and staircase and I’ll let you know what I think?
Thanks,
Topspin
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com):
This project is on hold for the time being. I am waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is right now!
I live between Belgrade and Manhattan. Did you say you are in Bozeman?
Diane
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From Doug:
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, what? Can you repeat that? What does it mean when you say the project is on hold? You are waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is. Hmm…Sounds like a wonderful prospect. Let me ask you this. You’ve lost your glasses before, or, maybe a set of keys, but when’s the last time you lost a table? So now your project is on hold, which puts my project on hold, while we simultaneously wait for an idiot to locate a table. Where does he even get off contacting you about a table if he doesn’t know where it is? What did his email say (can you forward it to me?) I am really flummoxed. Let me get this straight. He emailed you and said something to the effect of “I have a ping pong table you might be interested in. I’m asking $125. Before I can sell it to you, I just have to find it.” I hope he never finds it and then you and I can continue on with our original project, the one where you have the money and the one where I have the table right here, and not the one where we both are waiting on a moron. I’m sorry if I seem a little bit tense, I’ve been having trouble going.
If you’d like, we can get that other guy on a conference call to see where things stand. I contacted you first, buy my table TODAY.
Thanks,
Topspin
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(no reply)
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F’d of the Day: That’s Armoire! (revisited)
Sep 3rd
This is a “To Be Continued” F’d of the Day. As you make your way through this one, you’ll see that there is some light flirting going on from our mark, Kate, and who could blame her? Fortunately, my wife doesn’t let me go around bouncing my hog on other chicks faces, but it’s pretty evident that this chick wants to be hog bounced.
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Jewelry Armoire / Storage – $1 (*****ville)
Looking for a decently priced jewelry armoire. Please send a picture and the dimensions. I will pick up and pay cash.
Thanks!
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From Doug:
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Hello,
I have a very nice Jewelry Armoire that my Aunt left me. It’s nice, but, it’s not really my style and doesn’t go well with the decor in my condo. It’s made of gorgeous wood, but I’m not sure what kind. Maybe walnutto? It’s polished up very nice and in excellent shape. I don’t mean to sound…greedy, but I am certain that this is worth more than $1. How much would you be willing to spend? (i.e. What is your spending cap?)
Thanks,
Doug
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from Kate:
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Doug,
I am willing to spend up to $75 if I like the piece. Would you mind sending a picture.
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from Doug:
kate i”m sendingthis form my droid pohne from an airport in jascksonville. the butons are to small for my finergs. jesus. i’ll have acess to my home pc tomrow morning nad will be abel to sned you a picture then. thanks for pateince. 75 dollars is good. i want it go to a good home.
ty,
doug
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from Doug:
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Kate,
Please see the attached. Let me know what you think.
Thanks,
Doug
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from Kate:
I like it. Where is the piece located?
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from Doug:
Hi Kate,
I’m glad you like it. Right now it’s in my front hall, I use it to put my mail, newspaper or keys on (but no scratches.) Did you count the drawers? Here, let me. Nine.
So, $75. Seems like the right price?
So, $75. Seems like the right price?
Thanks,
Doug
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From Kate:
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I wanted to cap at $75…if you can let it go for any less, I would appreciate it. Where are you located for when I need to pick it up?
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from Doug:
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We’re going to start the haggling on email. lol. I like your style. I sold my Aunt’s above ground pool (she left me a lot of useless shit, nothing of real value) for $900. Some guy said he was going to pay me $1,000, but when he showed up to disassemble it, surprise surprise, he only brought $900 with him. I said “Hey, what happened to the grand?” and he goes “well, I didn’t know you were firm on the price, and I figured since I had to take this whole thing apart, you know…” I had to give $500 of that to my Aunt’s neighbor because I drained the pool overnight and when I woke up in the morning, all of the water was in their basement. They tried to tell me their cat died of chlorine inhalation. Had to put that money towards a new water heater. That’s why when I say “$75″ I mean “$75.” And, you know, I’m a nice guy, so if you show up with $70 and say “oh, I don’t know where that $5 went”, I’m okay with that as long as you bring me a latte from Starbucks.
Anyway, I’m in ***hurst. I can ship this thing but I need the money delivered first.
Doug
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from Kate:
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Haggling is always done better over email…face to face can be intimidating. I am better online.
Can I have an answer to you by Friday? I am still looking online because it isn’t a necessary thing and I want to spend as little as possible. But I do like your piece, so I will most likley go with it.
Does that work? An answer by Friday?
Kate
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from Doug:
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Well maybe I’ll try a little haggling on my own over email. $76.
Yeah, I’ll set my alarm for Friday while you see if you can find a better and cheaper armoire. Then on Friday, when I don’t hear back from you ever again, I’ll just start replying to all of those people that contacted me and let them know “woops-a-daisy, the jewelry armoire is for sale again!” If you do find another armoire, I understand, but I also want to make you aware of some other shit Auntie Noreen left me that is for sale:
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1. American Doll collection
2. ‘Set It And Forget It’ Rotisserie Cooker
3. Assorted bobble heads (Bob Barker and Rod Roddy from Price is Right, Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon from The Tonight Show, Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and the ugly redhead from Sex and the City, etc.)
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All of that is for sale.
I’m serious about the latte.
Doug
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from Kate:
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I am hoping that your sarcasm just isn’t being translated through email and not that you are mean and kind of scary. Could you let me know? That will certainly affect my decision to drive to ***hurst with a latte or not.
Sent from my Samsung Intercept™
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from Doug:
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heyhow do your like the samsung intecpret? are the buttons big enoug for texting? its like they made this droid phon for a Fraggle. whocan write good txts with these fckin buttons being so close togther? jfc. not scary, just want to sell auntys shti to you.
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from Kate:
I do like it…still getting used to it, though. It has a flip out keypad, so it is much easier to type.
I have found another armoire (not as nice as yours) for only $20. If I paint it black, it wont be bad.
Thank you for all of your time and good luck selling all of Aunty’s shit.
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From Doug:
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Kate,
You know me by now. I haven’t sugarcoated anything. This is email, and it’s weird with my Aunt being dead (and you trying to buy some of her shit), but, am I the only one feeling like there might be a connection here?
You’re going to paint that armoire black and people are going to come over for a dinner party and go “Hey, Kate, when did you start shopping for furniture at Target?” You can’t have that. You’re at a stage of your life where you want to tell people “I bought this from a dead person.”
Maybe not that either, but wtf, let’s make this sale. Buy my Aunt’s shit and sell it to one of your friends for $150. You’re a blood thirsty salesperson, I can hear it in the way you type.
Buy this f’ing thing.
Doug
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From Kate:
I’ll admit l am a bit intrigued. Tell you what…sell me the armoire for $50 and I will meet you for a latte. Or in my case a frappachino cause it sounds cooler. $45 and ill buy the drinks.
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Sent from my Samsung Intercept™
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From Doug:
Jesus, it never ends with you. You just went from $75, to $76 (when I up-haggled you), down to a $20 piece of shit you found somewhere else, then back to me for $50, we meet for a coffee, then you drop it another $5. Why don’t I just pay you to take this thing? f
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Send pic.
Send pic.
Doug
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From Kate:
Okay…how much for me to take it off your hands? 
And picture of what? Me? Forward much?
Sent from my Samsung Intercept™
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From Kate:
You can always just google me…I am an easy find.
Sent from my Samsung Intercept™
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From Doug:
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Jeuss christ im on my droid again. i migt look at that intercpt by samsung that you have. Yong peope know tehnology, and they alos kno how to haggle the shit out of osomeone. U nevr mentoin anythin about the bobleheads. Probibly want those free I sippose?
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From Kate:
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Are you a curmudgeonly old man? You seem to swear a lot. And I am hoping that it honestly is small buttons and not that you are a horrible speller.
No interest in any bobbleheads, but thanks. How is the armoire doing? Still in decent shape?
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From Doug:
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I’m actually not that old. 41. I just get pissed off a lot. Now I got you rubbing the ease of use thing with your Samsung Intercept in my face and it makes me want to tinkle on n’ stomp my Droid. The armoire is doing well. Well, it was doing well, before all that rain came into my house and ruined everything. I partially blame the storm on you. If you had bought that god damned armoire from the very beginning, maybe none of this would have ever happened. Hey, in your travels to find the cheapest armoire on the planet, I don’t suppose you came across a sump pump?
Thanks,
Doug
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