F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged puppies
F’d of the Day: Mower
Sep 1st
This guy is looking for a riding lawn mower with a zero turn ratio (that’s the ultimate in lawn mowing) for $100. That would be a great price, considering new ones go for somewhere in the thousands.
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Wanted Riding Lawn Mower – $100
Wanted a riding mower. I need a riding mower that may or may not need repairs. Will pay more for a zero turn. Please email me with what you have for sale.
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
Hey, I saw your add, you’re looking for a riding lawn mower right?
Whoooooeeeee do I have the mower for you. And a hundred bucks is the right price.
Are you still looking or did you find one already?
Doug
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From: David
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Doug,
I still need one 
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.ff
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
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Hey DJ,
Thanks. Thanks for writing back. A lot of people, family included, sometimes ignore my emails. I have the mower of your dreams for a hundred bucks. I’m at my work computer now, so I don’t have the pics here. I’m just curious, this mower is a lot of mower, it will mow your lawn to whatever size you want the grass to be. I used to shave it down to about a quarter inch, it made my lawn look like the top of Johnny Unitas‘ head. Or you can go for a nice easy drive, sip a beer, and just give her a trim and keep it around 2-3 inches long. I used to tell my wife that I was going out to give it the ol’ Liza Minelli bush. She never did like that joke much, course, I never cared much for her saggies. So, just to recap, the mower is $100, and you can ride it, cut your grass, and drink a few beers. I’ll even throw in a 2 gallon gas tank (empty) and one of those hard hats that has the two holders for beers and the straw that goes to your mouth. Without beer, it takes me 2 hours to cut my grass. With beer, it still takes 2 hours, but it feels like 8 minutes. The only reason I’m selling is because I got a new John Deere.
Have a great day David. When I get pics I will send, okay?
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Sent: Tue, August 31, 2010 4:14:04 AM
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
Thank you for writing back. Where are you located? Man that mower sounds exactly what I need. What kind is it? Really does not matter for 100 bucks but just curious. I’m ready to pick it up.
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from greg
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Hey DJ, you was up at 4:14am? Whooooooeee you must be an early riser. I’m a lot like you. I get up at 5am, grab a cold brew, take my beagle Buckshot for a walk, we come back and have a little steak and egg breakfast. I’ll tell you what, you ready for the perfect bite? You take a steak and sizzle it in the pan, then you add two eggs on either side of it in the pan. The eggs cook at the same time as the steak, however you want ‘em, over easy, sunny side up, over medium, you know, then when everything is ready, you put the steak on a plate and put the eggs right on top. I call it “steak and eggs” and it’s damn tasty. You won’t ever hear Buckshot give no complaints about this breakfast. I swear to the holy man in the white cape that one time Buckshot said “steak” under his breath. Anyway, let’s talk about grass cuttin’. I hope you have a big lawn because here’s that big boy I was telling you about.
Greg
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
That really is a big boy. That is one heck of a mower. When can I come by and get the mower ? I am ready to get mowing. I am available anytime please let me know I need to get mowing before the wife kills me.
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…to be continued? If you want me to continue, please email: continuethisF@fwithpeople.com
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F’d of the Day: Puppies!
Aug 27th
This guy posted an ad looking for puppy toys. I have puppy toys, and I’m going to send him puppy toys. You can send him puppy toys, too. All you need to do is email helppeople@fwithpeople.com for more information.
Together, we can put together a care package for this guy. Come on, let’s F with people but let’s also H people. I’m not really going to send toys, but I am going to pledge $10.
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From: Greg <********@yahoo.com>
Subject: Puppy Toys
Good afternoon,
I have some puppy toys to give away. How big are the puppies and how old are they?
puppies are great!
Greg
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From: “t*******@yahoo.com” <t********@yahoo.com>
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
He is a Chug and 12 weeks old. He will only be 15 pounds grown. Where are u located?
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: <t******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Who me? I’m from Rosemead.
A 15 pounder eh? I’ve caught some bass bigger’n that. haha. Hey, you got a new puppy and that makes me smile. Is a chug a sturdy dog? Like, they’re really active and playful? Or is he going to lay around like my Great Dane, Oscar? haha. Oscar is like that. He drinks water. Eats his food. Does his business. He watches Jeopardy every night at 7. He doesn’t answer the questions or anything like that. I keep hoping one day that Trebek will give this answer “You might find this on top of your house” and then I’ll say “what is the” and Oscar will go “roof?”
Anyway, free puppy toys. You want me to ship ‘em?
Doug the Dog Guy
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From: “t*******@yahoo.com”
To: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
He is a Pug and chihuahua mix that is very playful and loves toys. I would love if u can ship them since I’m on Disability.
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: t*******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
OMG! OMG! A chug. I’ve never seen one. Do you have a picture?! CUTE! HAHA! Come on…please! What is his name? Oscar is a big dummy. I would like to put a saddle on Oscar’s back and have him take the chug for a ride. What is your dogs name?
I’m going to send toys. Never give a dog a cooked bone. You know that, right? My brother Steven, who’s nickname is “Steven the Idiot” gave my australian shepard “Sheppie” a cooked meat bone. Sheppie was in heaven, well, for a little while, until the bone shattered into shards and went down his esophagus. When he breathed, it sounded like he was playing the accordion. He lived but he was never the same, wouldn’t even eat a snausage after that.
Send the pic if you have one. I’m going to send one of Oscar.
Greg The D.G.
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From: <*******@yahoo.com>
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
We never give those bones to dogs. Too many problems.
Thanks again
(Address hidden)
Tom *******
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: <*******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Are you kidding me with the Chug? What is that little nuggalugga’s name? Oh I could just squish him! (But not too hard)
Toys on the way!
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From: *******@yahoo.com
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Oh sorry.. Its Moose.lol
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From: Greg *******@yahoo.com
To: ********@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
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Moose! The Moose is loose. I’m also thinking about sending along an obstacle course. How big is your yard?
From: *******@yahoo.com
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
40×80
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From: Greg *******@yahoo.com
To: ********@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
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Okay. Oscar fell asleep before he go to the rock climb but he was a bad mother F on those logs. I bet Moose is gonna love this. (Signature needed upon delivery of freight and some assembly required. Actually, all assembly required)
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