F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged mower
F’d of the Day: Grass
Sep 13th
I’m not sure what it is about people that are in search of lawn mowers, but we clearly have a connection. This guy is looking for a lawn mower, and I may, or may not, have one for him. See his ad below, and then see how we type back and forth to each other. I put his words in black and my words in blue to make reading this blog easier for you. Nice rhyme, right?
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Self propelled lawn mower (Royal Palm Bch )
Looking for a cheap running lawn mower. just somthing to cut the grass. Prefer a self propelled mower but any will work. Not looking to spend over 75.00 E-mail me with offer’s thanks much . Also looking for a edger and blower and weed eater as well. Let me know if you have any of the following.
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from Doug:
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I have a mower that I’d be willing to sell for $25. You probably found one by now, but if not, you know, let me know.
Thanks,
Doug
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From repoman***@aol.com:
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Where you at.? Close to royal palm bch .? Give me a call at 561-932-****
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From Doug:
Decided not to sell to you.
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From repoman***@aol.com:
I already bought one. Thanks anyway
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From Doug:
Prior to you buying one, I decided not to sell to you.
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From repoman***@aol.com:
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Not that it matter’s to me just curious as to why.? I don’t even know you, I was just looking for a mower you e-mailed me saying you have one for 25.00 then you don’t.? I’m too old for kid games.. if you didn’t want to sell it then you should’nt e-mail people. Typicial craiglister’s though I guess nothing better to do than waiste their time on nonsence..
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From Doug:
Didn’t like your email address. Nothing personal. Repoman. Makes it look like you’re buying stuff on the cheap, repairing it, and then selling it at a higher price to other people using the same web site. In contrast, your email address doesn’t reference anything about your ability to spell. You could scroll down to proofread your own shit, but here, let me help:
1. “Should’nt” Contrary to popular belief, that’s never been a word. Next time, try this: Shouldn’t
2. “e-mail” It’s 2010. It’s simply: email
3. “Typicial” Typical
4. “Waiste” This one is a disaster. Waste.
5. “Nonsence” This one won 2nd place in the “Awfully Spelled” category.
Nothing personal.
All my best,
Doug
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from repoman***@aol.com
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Not for nothing but this e-mail ooop’s I mean’t ” email ” address was from a job I had about 9yrs <~~ years ago when I use to repo car’s that’ where the ( repoman ) came from.. and the ( joker ) was a nickname just so we set things straight. And buying and selling stuff for more than I paid for it has never been somthing I do. I was just looking for a simple lawn mower for god’s sake.. Not a cluster fuck of wild running thought’s of who I may be or what I may do with stuff people sell to me. And to all the one’s who buy and fix thing’s and make a little profit on the time/effort/ that went into fixing somthing up, Wouldn’t that maybe consist of how they make a living and take care of their family.? I guess everyone can’t be perfect and the one’s who are have nothing better to do with their live’s that try to recruit other’s to join their perfect world.. Anyway like I said Iv’e found this mower i so desperatly needed after this maybe I will sell it for 150.00 and be the person you seem to think I am.. Anyway thanks for judging me from a screenname. And also I dont need you to go back and send me all the things that were spelled wrong. Unless you have nothing else better to do.. Good luck with finding the right screenname to sell your mower too..
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from Doug:
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Man, talk about having too much time to waiste. You ought to create another email address for yourself. It’s 2010, you can have multiple addresses. Maybe: buyingyourshitlowandsellingithigh@gmail.com
That’s cool though that you were a repo man. I bet you got a lot of cool stories about people running out of their houses with clubs and knives and stuff. Well, in all fairness, I shouldn’t have judged you from your email address. Just like I don’t want people judging me when I write to them from my CuntyMcDouchestein@hotmail.com account. I would like to settle this once and for all by offering you $100 for that refurbished lawn mower (if you would be so kind as to include pics?)
Dougie
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from repoman***@aol.com
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Really..? You should get checked. Somthing may be loose up in that head of yours.. And for the email game’s you so seem to love. it’s over. this will be the alst email you get from me, Sorry for breaking the bad news but If i was 9yrs old it may be a little more fun.. Anyway take care it’s been real. And if you do decide to get rid of the mower let me know. Maybe I would sign a NO SELL FOR HIGHER PRICE POLICY and have it all legalized.. Work for you.?
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From Doug:
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Decided not to sell to you.
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F’d of the Day: Mower
Sep 1st
This guy is looking for a riding lawn mower with a zero turn ratio (that’s the ultimate in lawn mowing) for $100. That would be a great price, considering new ones go for somewhere in the thousands.
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Wanted Riding Lawn Mower – $100
Wanted a riding mower. I need a riding mower that may or may not need repairs. Will pay more for a zero turn. Please email me with what you have for sale.
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
Hey, I saw your add, you’re looking for a riding lawn mower right?
Whoooooeeeee do I have the mower for you. And a hundred bucks is the right price.
Are you still looking or did you find one already?
Doug
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From: David
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Doug,
I still need one 
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.ff
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
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Hey DJ,
Thanks. Thanks for writing back. A lot of people, family included, sometimes ignore my emails. I have the mower of your dreams for a hundred bucks. I’m at my work computer now, so I don’t have the pics here. I’m just curious, this mower is a lot of mower, it will mow your lawn to whatever size you want the grass to be. I used to shave it down to about a quarter inch, it made my lawn look like the top of Johnny Unitas‘ head. Or you can go for a nice easy drive, sip a beer, and just give her a trim and keep it around 2-3 inches long. I used to tell my wife that I was going out to give it the ol’ Liza Minelli bush. She never did like that joke much, course, I never cared much for her saggies. So, just to recap, the mower is $100, and you can ride it, cut your grass, and drink a few beers. I’ll even throw in a 2 gallon gas tank (empty) and one of those hard hats that has the two holders for beers and the straw that goes to your mouth. Without beer, it takes me 2 hours to cut my grass. With beer, it still takes 2 hours, but it feels like 8 minutes. The only reason I’m selling is because I got a new John Deere.
Have a great day David. When I get pics I will send, okay?
Gregf
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Sent: Tue, August 31, 2010 4:14:04 AM
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
Thank you for writing back. Where are you located? Man that mower sounds exactly what I need. What kind is it? Really does not matter for 100 bucks but just curious. I’m ready to pick it up.
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from greg
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Hey DJ, you was up at 4:14am? Whooooooeee you must be an early riser. I’m a lot like you. I get up at 5am, grab a cold brew, take my beagle Buckshot for a walk, we come back and have a little steak and egg breakfast. I’ll tell you what, you ready for the perfect bite? You take a steak and sizzle it in the pan, then you add two eggs on either side of it in the pan. The eggs cook at the same time as the steak, however you want ‘em, over easy, sunny side up, over medium, you know, then when everything is ready, you put the steak on a plate and put the eggs right on top. I call it “steak and eggs” and it’s damn tasty. You won’t ever hear Buckshot give no complaints about this breakfast. I swear to the holy man in the white cape that one time Buckshot said “steak” under his breath. Anyway, let’s talk about grass cuttin’. I hope you have a big lawn because here’s that big boy I was telling you about.
Greg
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
That really is a big boy. That is one heck of a mower. When can I come by and get the mower ? I am ready to get mowing. I am available anytime please let me know I need to get mowing before the wife kills me.
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…to be continued? If you want me to continue, please email: continuethisF@fwithpeople.com
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