F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged donate
Fwithpeople Contest Announcement!
Dec 6th
December 6th, 2010 – Fwithpeople.com is proud to announce their first annual Christmas t-shirt giveaway. The contents of this t-shirt will not be Christmas related, it just happens to be given away during the month of December, right near Christmastime. Said jubilant CEO and Founder Doug Monroe “yeah, we’re giving away another shirt.” When asked how something could be titled “First annual” instead of just “First” and then having another giveaway next year titled “2nd annual”, Monroe could only reply with “I don’t know.” This is the 2nd t-shirt contest announced by Fwithpeople.com, with the first t-shirt winner being Jeremy Russell, of Somewhere in Canada. Monroe claims that this contest could “bring Christmas spirit to the far expanses of the Globe. Christmas, Santa, elves, and the reindeer are all working overtime to bring 5 billion kids the toys of their dreams. There’s no reason why fwithpeople.com can’t live up to that same expectation.” When reminded that Fwithpeople.com readership averages 17 people each day, and that it’s quite reasonable to assume no one would want to win this contest, Monroe confirmed “that’s a good point.” He wouldn’t confirm reports that he once believed Santa was Jesus’ brother. Monroe would only say “no comment” when asked if he thought Santa employed undocumented elves. He did vaguely respond by saying “I’m not going to say one way or the other, however, as a taxpaying citizen, if I go to an emergency room and an undocumented elf is in front of me because he’s getting a popsicle stick for a leg splint, I’m going to be pissed off.” Monroe has released the details of how to enter the Fwithpeople.com Christmas Contest, including bonus giveaways, and they are as follows:
1. Email titled “T-shirt” or “No Illegal Elves” must be sent to: contest@fwithpeople.com
2. Anyone donating $1 (or more) via the Donate button at the top right will receive an fwithpeople.com bumper sticker. Proceeds to be given to no one, as $1 would actually be a loss considering the stickers are $5 each.
3. Send an email to contest@fwithpeople.com titled “Xmas Card” and receive a personalized Christmas card from CEO and Founder Doug Monroe.
4. Report an undocumented elf by emailing deportanelf@fwithpeople.com
Deadline to enter is 12/14/10 by 11:59pm. Winners to be notified on 12/15/10.
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F’d of the Day: Ping Pong Hero
Nov 4th
We are rolling in the aisles here at Fwithpeople.com HQ because some concrete numbers have come in. These figures cannot be disputed, so don’t bother trying. Here they are: 161, 109, 77, 53, 48 and 24. What do those number represent? Nope, wrong, they aren’t Sparky Andersons daily weigh-ins. They do represent, in chronological order of release, the overall view counts our Project F videos. That sigh you just let out sums up our morning. Let’s turn this shit around and F with someone in Montana. Their ad and emails are in black, Dougie Monroe types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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Ping Pong table, gently used – $250
I’m looking for a good quality, gently used ping pong table for our rec room. Will travel up to 150 miles for a good deal. $250 is the most I can pay including gas. Thanks for letting me know what you have; pictures would be great.
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From Doug:
Hello, my friend,
Your ad comes at good time, right at holidays almost. I have sold some things from home. Alot people try make cheap try for things. Try to buy my used car $300. Try to buy a microwave $8. Crazy people. You make good try for ping table. $250. This table new. Kids would rather play nintendo or text message friends. You want, you have. Please tell me if you can pick up next weekend. Thanks. Douglas.
Sent from my Droid Phone. Add Friends and Family for just $5. Please visit your local Verizon store for more details. Promotion not valid in all areas. Activation fee may be assessed. Taxes may vary from state to state. 2 year service plan may be required. There is a Verizon on your Horizon ™
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com)
Please let me know:
How old is it?
Where did you buy it, and what did it cost new?
Does it fold up vertically, and does it have wheels?
Can you send me a picture or two?
Can two people get it out of your home and load it into a trailer?
Thanks for your time and information. I am interested, and have another one I will check out also.
Diane
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From Doug:
Oh, okay, yeah, let me just settle in here for a bit to take this interview.
1. The table is 1 year(s) old, like new and gently used.
2. I bought it online from Robbins table tennis (robbinstabletennis.com.) It was $699.95 new. It’s international tournament quality, so I guess that means you can take it overseas with you if you want to compete.
3. It folds up vertically, and it has wheels which makes for easy storage. It also folds up horizontally if the table is upside down.
4. I’ll include a picture (attached as dougspingy.jpg), but you can also see it at robbinstabletennis.com.
5. Yes, it will require two people to get it out of the house and into a truck or trailer. If you are interested and show up alone, my wife Debbie will help you carry it out. She can get really amped when it comes to moving things, especially if she’s got her monthly demon.
Well, it’s a good deal, more than 50% off on a great table.
Let me know,
Doug “Topspin” Monroe
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From Doug (the next day):
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Hello, your email bounced. Everything okay?
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From Diane monb******@aol.com:
Yes, I don’t know why it would have been sent back.
That’s a really nice table! Where do you live?
I’m able to come out tonight to see it, but it may be too large for getting up the stairs into the rec room. Does it disassemble to make it easier?
Call me at 539-**** if you can. I’m going offline for awhile.
Diane
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From Doug:
Well, a lot of times when email is sent back, it usually means that the email address belongs to a spammer or someone that is trying to scam money via electronic transfer for goods that most likely don’t exist. I’ve sent a quick copy of our conversation along with your phone number to AOL, and they said they would keep a very close eye on your account activity, monitoring email behavior patterns, detecting potential spam-like material, etc.
But that table is really nice, isn’t it? I really don’t want to see it go, but we have no choice but to sell. The most important thing for me at this point is to make sure it’s going to a nice home. Sorry I missed your email last night, Debbie doesn’t like when I’m on the computer after 5pm, because she thinks it’s bad for my eyes, wrists, forearms, neckbone, posture, circulation, arthritis, and brain.
The table can be disassembled to make it easier for you to move up a flight of stairs. Can you send a picture of your hallway and staircase and I’ll let you know what I think?
Thanks,
Topspin
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com):
This project is on hold for the time being. I am waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is right now!
I live between Belgrade and Manhattan. Did you say you are in Bozeman?
Diane
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From Doug:
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, what? Can you repeat that? What does it mean when you say the project is on hold? You are waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is. Hmm…Sounds like a wonderful prospect. Let me ask you this. You’ve lost your glasses before, or, maybe a set of keys, but when’s the last time you lost a table? So now your project is on hold, which puts my project on hold, while we simultaneously wait for an idiot to locate a table. Where does he even get off contacting you about a table if he doesn’t know where it is? What did his email say (can you forward it to me?) I am really flummoxed. Let me get this straight. He emailed you and said something to the effect of “I have a ping pong table you might be interested in. I’m asking $125. Before I can sell it to you, I just have to find it.” I hope he never finds it and then you and I can continue on with our original project, the one where you have the money and the one where I have the table right here, and not the one where we both are waiting on a moron. I’m sorry if I seem a little bit tense, I’ve been having trouble going.
If you’d like, we can get that other guy on a conference call to see where things stand. I contacted you first, buy my table TODAY.
Thanks,
Topspin
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(no reply)
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F’d of the Day: Puppies!
Aug 27th
This guy posted an ad looking for puppy toys. I have puppy toys, and I’m going to send him puppy toys. You can send him puppy toys, too. All you need to do is email helppeople@fwithpeople.com for more information.
Together, we can put together a care package for this guy. Come on, let’s F with people but let’s also H people. I’m not really going to send toys, but I am going to pledge $10.
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From: Greg <********@yahoo.com>
Subject: Puppy Toys
Good afternoon,
I have some puppy toys to give away. How big are the puppies and how old are they?
puppies are great!
Greg
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From: “t*******@yahoo.com” <t********@yahoo.com>
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
He is a Chug and 12 weeks old. He will only be 15 pounds grown. Where are u located?
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: <t******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Who me? I’m from Rosemead.
A 15 pounder eh? I’ve caught some bass bigger’n that. haha. Hey, you got a new puppy and that makes me smile. Is a chug a sturdy dog? Like, they’re really active and playful? Or is he going to lay around like my Great Dane, Oscar? haha. Oscar is like that. He drinks water. Eats his food. Does his business. He watches Jeopardy every night at 7. He doesn’t answer the questions or anything like that. I keep hoping one day that Trebek will give this answer “You might find this on top of your house” and then I’ll say “what is the” and Oscar will go “roof?”
Anyway, free puppy toys. You want me to ship ‘em?
Doug the Dog Guy
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From: “t*******@yahoo.com”
To: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
He is a Pug and chihuahua mix that is very playful and loves toys. I would love if u can ship them since I’m on Disability.
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: t*******@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
OMG! OMG! A chug. I’ve never seen one. Do you have a picture?! CUTE! HAHA! Come on…please! What is his name? Oscar is a big dummy. I would like to put a saddle on Oscar’s back and have him take the chug for a ride. What is your dogs name?
I’m going to send toys. Never give a dog a cooked bone. You know that, right? My brother Steven, who’s nickname is “Steven the Idiot” gave my australian shepard “Sheppie” a cooked meat bone. Sheppie was in heaven, well, for a little while, until the bone shattered into shards and went down his esophagus. When he breathed, it sounded like he was playing the accordion. He lived but he was never the same, wouldn’t even eat a snausage after that.
Send the pic if you have one. I’m going to send one of Oscar.
Greg The D.G.
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From: <*******@yahoo.com>
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
We never give those bones to dogs. Too many problems.
Thanks again
(Address hidden)
Tom *******
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From: Greg <*******@yahoo.com>
To: <*******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Are you kidding me with the Chug? What is that little nuggalugga’s name? Oh I could just squish him! (But not too hard)
Toys on the way!
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From: *******@yahoo.com
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
Oh sorry.. Its Moose.lol
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From: Greg *******@yahoo.com
To: ********@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
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Moose! The Moose is loose. I’m also thinking about sending along an obstacle course. How big is your yard?
From: *******@yahoo.com
To: Greg *******@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
40×80
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From: Greg *******@yahoo.com
To: ********@yahoo.com
Subject: Re: Puppy Toys
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Okay. Oscar fell asleep before he go to the rock climb but he was a bad mother F on those logs. I bet Moose is gonna love this. (Signature needed upon delivery of freight and some assembly required. Actually, all assembly required)
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