F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged Contest
F’d of the Day: England Nigerians
Dec 14th
Fwithpeople.com is pleased to announce we have partnered with global money launderers and have extended our presence in the funds transfer marketplace to England. Said CEO and Founder Doug Monroe “It’s true, we are open for business. We’re finding that there is a global market for overseas funds tranfers, and we’re in a very strong position to streamline that process.” While Monroe would not disclose information about his partners, he did say he would receive funds from “anyone.”
This partner from England types in black, and Doug types it up in blue. Feel free to email this partner yourself to see if you can get involved with your own transfer. May the F be with you ™
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From: Mr Charles lepp1@live.co.uk
Sent: Mon, December 13, 2010 8:49:27 PM
Subject: FROM CHARLES
IT IS A PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU A BUSINESS THAT WILL MAKE THE BEGINNING OF NEVER-ENDING FAMILY RELATIONSHIP AND I HOPE THIS PROPOSAL WILL NOT BE AN INCONVENIENCE OR EMBARASSEMENT TO YOU.
I AM CHARLES THE ONLY SON OF LATE MR PHILIP WHO WAS A FAMOUS COCOA MERCHANT. MY LATE FATHER OPERATED HIS COCOA BUSINESS IN ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE UNDER PARTNERSHIP BUT UNFORTUNATELLY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES POISONED HIM IN ORDER TO CLAIM HIS WEALTH IN A COCKTAIL PARTY HELD IN HIS HONOUR AS THE DIRECTOR OF THE COMPANY.WHEN HE WAS POISONED,HE WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL.
IT WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THAT HE SECRETLY DISCLOSED TO ME THE CAUSE OF THE SICKNESS AND ALSO THAT HE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF $4.8M(FOUR MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ONLY) IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT TO A BANK HERE IN ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE AND THAT I WAS MADE THE NEXT OF KIN TO INHERIT THE MONEY IN HIS RECORD/FILE.
HE THEREFORE ADVISED ME TO LOOK FOR A RELIABLE,TRUST WORTHY AND GOD-FEARING PERSON WHO WILL ASSIST ME TO TRANSFER THIS FUNDS ABROAD STRICTLY FOR INVESTEMENT PURPOSES.THIS IS BECAUSE HE DIDN’NT WANT HIS ASSOCIATES TO RAISE AN EYEBROW ON HIS FUND.HE ALSO ADVISED ME TO AVOID HIS ASSOCIATES WHO WILL BE RUNNING AFTER MY DEAR LIFE,HE FINALLY DIED IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER TWO DAYS OF ADMISSION.
I AM SOLICITING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE $4.8M INTO YOUR ACCOUNT FOR AN INVESTMENT PURPOSES OVER THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY.I HOPE TO TRAVEL WITH YOU TO YOUR COUNTRY AFTER A SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUNDS.THE CONTACT OF THE BANK WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU SHOW YOUR INTEREST AND WILLINGNESS TO ME.YOU CAN NOW INSTRUCT THEM ON WHERE AND HOW THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED.
I AM OFFERING YOU 10% OF THE TOTAL SUM OF $4.800.000 AS COMMISSION FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO THE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR COUNTRY.MAY I STRONGLY RE-EMPHASIZE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL,HITCHFREE AND THIS WILL BE SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED WITHIN 10 DAYS ACCORDING TO YOUR EFFORTS.
THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.PLEASE CALL ME AT +22505212947 FOR MORE DETAILS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
CHARLES.
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From Doug:
Charles,
How could your father be so stupid to allow himself to be poisoned? After he whispered in your ear about the money, were his last words “I can’t believe how much of a fucking idiot I am?” or “You left your caps lock on…” Anyway, sorry to hear that he died, but one less dumb person means another idiot out of the way and more food and water for the rest of us. Why would that be an inconvenience to me? I’m not digging the hole for him. If anything, he’s an embarrassment to your family.
I am very pleased that you contacted me. Like you, I also do not care about the investigation or capture of the people responsible for poisoning your dope of a father. He’s dead and there’s nothing we can do now but split up the pie. We should each give 1% of our earnings to the people that poisoned him, and maybe have a cocktail reception (I’ll be drinking bottled water, and suggest you do the same.)
Also, it looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the Dummy Tree. Did you put your direct phone number in your email? You never put your phone number in email correspondence when you’re talking about overseas funds trafficking. What you need to do is create a Skype account and do a search for me, my Skyper name is DJDaddyLongCockins.
And, nice try on the 10%, but this isn’t my first time at the Overseas Funds Transfer Rodeo. My number is 20%, and everybody knows that.
That’s right.
Doug
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(no reply)
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Fwithpeople Contest Announcement!
Dec 6th
December 6th, 2010 – Fwithpeople.com is proud to announce their first annual Christmas t-shirt giveaway. The contents of this t-shirt will not be Christmas related, it just happens to be given away during the month of December, right near Christmastime. Said jubilant CEO and Founder Doug Monroe “yeah, we’re giving away another shirt.” When asked how something could be titled “First annual” instead of just “First” and then having another giveaway next year titled “2nd annual”, Monroe could only reply with “I don’t know.” This is the 2nd t-shirt contest announced by Fwithpeople.com, with the first t-shirt winner being Jeremy Russell, of Somewhere in Canada. Monroe claims that this contest could “bring Christmas spirit to the far expanses of the Globe. Christmas, Santa, elves, and the reindeer are all working overtime to bring 5 billion kids the toys of their dreams. There’s no reason why fwithpeople.com can’t live up to that same expectation.” When reminded that Fwithpeople.com readership averages 17 people each day, and that it’s quite reasonable to assume no one would want to win this contest, Monroe confirmed “that’s a good point.” He wouldn’t confirm reports that he once believed Santa was Jesus’ brother. Monroe would only say “no comment” when asked if he thought Santa employed undocumented elves. He did vaguely respond by saying “I’m not going to say one way or the other, however, as a taxpaying citizen, if I go to an emergency room and an undocumented elf is in front of me because he’s getting a popsicle stick for a leg splint, I’m going to be pissed off.” Monroe has released the details of how to enter the Fwithpeople.com Christmas Contest, including bonus giveaways, and they are as follows:
1. Email titled “T-shirt” or “No Illegal Elves” must be sent to: contest@fwithpeople.com
2. Anyone donating $1 (or more) via the Donate button at the top right will receive an fwithpeople.com bumper sticker. Proceeds to be given to no one, as $1 would actually be a loss considering the stickers are $5 each.
3. Send an email to contest@fwithpeople.com titled “Xmas Card” and receive a personalized Christmas card from CEO and Founder Doug Monroe.
4. Report an undocumented elf by emailing deportanelf@fwithpeople.com
Deadline to enter is 12/14/10 by 11:59pm. Winners to be notified on 12/15/10.
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F’d of the Day: Muscle Rage!
Oct 27th
RAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! Fitness and being sound of mind is top priority here at Fwithpeople.com. Like you, we don’t give a shit about contests and a t-shirt giveaway. We opened our inbox this morning to find ZERO entries for our T-shirt contest and LAUGHED at the inbox. This inbox doesn’t know the meaning of the words “GET RRRRIPPED!” Maybe I’ll just delete that inbox and see how it likes total darkness as we post today’s F’d from our eliptical machine at FWP headquarters. If you want a t-shirt, to wear, or to use as a whack mop, send a god damned email to: contest@fwithpeople.com
Now, on to today’s F’d of the Day. The ad and their emails are in black, and Doug’s emails are in blue. May the F be with you. ™
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kettlebells wanted (affton)
looking for the best deal on kettlebells send price and what you got
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From Doug:
Hey, I have a bunch of kettle bells. What is your budget like?
I have about 200-300lbs, assorted sizes.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Gene:
well like everyone eles budget sucks thats why im shopping on cl lol
but im looking for maybe 30 or 40 lbs kettle what is your price i have had a few offers so shoping around and also what area u located
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From Doug:
Gene,
I don’t even care about the price or the budget. You’re making a commitment to take your workouts to the next level. I’ve been where you are. What do I need to do to push my limits? My friends and I wasted a few years at the gym with traditional methods (bench press, triceps, then get me the hell out of here) but now we are working out like gladiators. Carrying boulders. One handed tug of war. Mashing 55 gallon drums of potatoes by hand. Throwing manhole covers through sheetrock. To exercise our cores, my friend bought a used full-sized subway car and we hit it with sledgehammers. It’s easy to get pissed off at that thing, all you have to do is think about the constantly rising cost of riding the subway and all hell breaks loose. I wish there was a dummy dressed up like a conductor, I would cut it in half in total domination. The others would probably joke about how prices were now “half off.” My biceps just fired involuntarily at that pun.
Anyway, kettle bells are the new rage. I got 30 and 40 pounders. $20 takes two 30 pounders and $30 takes two 40 pounders. The shopping stops here.
Doug
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From Gene:
right on that is a kick ass deal well i am free wednesday and untill next tuesday would love to buy a few hell maybe more with the good deal
what area u located and do u have a contact number thanks a bunch gene
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From Doug:
These kettlebells are too small at this point. My friends and I have been going bananas, even our supplements have increased ten fold. I’m not on the Yankees, so I don’t have to worry about being tested, and you know my union isn’t going to test me 
. My friend knows a guy with a boat yard and we created the “Tugboat Workout” (pic attached as tuboatworkout.jpg.) Have you ever been so amped that you feel like you don’t want your workout to end? We descended on this boatyard, with our hammers, and I just got so pissed off because I’ve never liked boats, or the idea of people enjoying themselves on one. I’m surprised they’re still floating. We promised the guy that let us in there would be no fire but I wanted to leave no evidence of happiness. We want to do a water-tower workout next. We’re going to hammer one of those things so it looks like a gigantic cauliflower.
. My friend knows a guy with a boat yard and we created the “Tugboat Workout” (pic attached as tuboatworkout.jpg.) Have you ever been so amped that you feel like you don’t want your workout to end? We descended on this boatyard, with our hammers, and I just got so pissed off because I’ve never liked boats, or the idea of people enjoying themselves on one. I’m surprised they’re still floating. We promised the guy that let us in there would be no fire but I wanted to leave no evidence of happiness. We want to do a water-tower workout next. We’re going to hammer one of those things so it looks like a gigantic cauliflower.Anyway, I’m in Washington Park. Where are you?
Doug
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From Gene:
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st.louis county
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(To be Continued?)
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