F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged cheapskate
F’d of the Day: File this
Jan 7th
Happy Friday from Fwithpeople.com. Let me guess. Payday? Casual day? I hope so. So why not sit back, have a sip of coffee, and check out today’s F’d of the Day. Some of you out there have probably gone for a massage before, a ‘full’ service massage. Doug’s been considering it, but he always thinks on the day he goes there’s going to be an undercover sting operation. Call your Congressman and ask them to put “Doug’s Law” into motion, where no man is denied the right to anonymous handjob services. When you consider the power that we, the American people have, imagine all of us, and all of your friends, gathering around the State House chanting “Rub and Tug! Rub and Tug! Rub and Tug!” There’s nothing we can’t accomplish. If you know of a safe rub and tug operation, please email us with an address to: saferubandtug@fwithpeople.com
Let’s wrap up a pretty dry week with an F’d of the Day that features Trish who’s looking for a filing cabinet. She’s not really one for words, so Doug helps her along a little bit. Her ad and emails are in black, and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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2 drawer file cabinet – $25
2 drawer filing cabinet in good condition. Beige or putty in color.
(iowa…quad cities)
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From Doug
Hello,
You may have already found your file cabinet by now, but if not, let me know. We have some filing cabinets and a desk available.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Trish:
Do you have a 2 drawer? are they light colored in good condition? Where can I look at it?
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From Doug:
Hi Trish,
Thanks for writing back. I have two 2-drawer cabinets, one 3-drawer cabinet, two 4-drawer cabinets, one 5-drawer cabinet, one 7-drawer cabinet, one wooden rolltop desk (made of Walnutto), one bankers lamp, a desk calendar (2009), assorted desk ornaments, a leather chair (on wheels that also spins and leans back) and numerous other pieces of office furniture, so much so that it would take too long to list them all.
The file cabinets are what I would call a “pecan sandie,” like the cookie. If you’re not familiar with a pecan sandie, it’s a beige/cream colored treat. All of the cabinets are colored pecan sandie and would make a great addition to the office you’re putting together.
If you’d like, I can send some pictures along.
Thanks,
Doug
From Trish:
Please only send pictures if you are in the QC area
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From Doug:
Trish,
This is the rolltop desk I was speaking about. More pics to follow with file cabinets, calendar, fax machine, motivational pictures, wall clock, abacus, and other office equipment. I would list them all but there is simply too much to list here. This desk is $150. That is the price I’m extending to you, so if you’d like to turn it around and sell it for more it will just be our little secret.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Trish:
Thanks, but please send pictures of the filing cabinets. I may have someone interested in your 4 drawer.
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From Doug:
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Me again.
Let me take you on a trip down memory lane. Attached is a one of a kind fax machine, it has the ability to fax documents (place your document face down, otherwise the person you are faxing will receive a blank page and be puzzled. If you are trying to fax a blank page, then placing the document face up is fine.) Now, this fax machine also acts as a hardline for making outbound phone calls, as well as receiving inbound phone calls. I don’t know how often you’d be on the phone at the exact same time you choose to send a fax, unless you’re calling someone to say “I’m sending the fax…..now!” and then pressing “fax.” Obviously, to perform that “fax n’ call” function at the same time, you’re going to need 2 phone lines. Second phone line not included. Ask your friend if they are interested in the fax.
Just the fax, m’am!
Doug
(couldn’t resist)
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From Trish:
Need an address. And need to see pictures of the cabinets before we come over.
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From Doug:
Hi Trish,
I will give you the address once they are done with the investigation. As you can see, there are cabinets and other office goodies in the background. The computer is being taken in as evidence, so that’s not for sale, but everything else is up for grabs. Thank you for your patience while we wait for them to solve this case and shampoo the carpets.
Doug
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(No Reply)
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F’d of the Day: Ping Pong Hero
Nov 4th
We are rolling in the aisles here at Fwithpeople.com HQ because some concrete numbers have come in. These figures cannot be disputed, so don’t bother trying. Here they are: 161, 109, 77, 53, 48 and 24. What do those number represent? Nope, wrong, they aren’t Sparky Andersons daily weigh-ins. They do represent, in chronological order of release, the overall view counts our Project F videos. That sigh you just let out sums up our morning. Let’s turn this shit around and F with someone in Montana. Their ad and emails are in black, Dougie Monroe types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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Ping Pong table, gently used – $250
I’m looking for a good quality, gently used ping pong table for our rec room. Will travel up to 150 miles for a good deal. $250 is the most I can pay including gas. Thanks for letting me know what you have; pictures would be great.
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From Doug:
Hello, my friend,
Your ad comes at good time, right at holidays almost. I have sold some things from home. Alot people try make cheap try for things. Try to buy my used car $300. Try to buy a microwave $8. Crazy people. You make good try for ping table. $250. This table new. Kids would rather play nintendo or text message friends. You want, you have. Please tell me if you can pick up next weekend. Thanks. Douglas.
Sent from my Droid Phone. Add Friends and Family for just $5. Please visit your local Verizon store for more details. Promotion not valid in all areas. Activation fee may be assessed. Taxes may vary from state to state. 2 year service plan may be required. There is a Verizon on your Horizon ™
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com)
Please let me know:
How old is it?
Where did you buy it, and what did it cost new?
Does it fold up vertically, and does it have wheels?
Can you send me a picture or two?
Can two people get it out of your home and load it into a trailer?
Thanks for your time and information. I am interested, and have another one I will check out also.
Diane
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From Doug:
Oh, okay, yeah, let me just settle in here for a bit to take this interview.
1. The table is 1 year(s) old, like new and gently used.
2. I bought it online from Robbins table tennis (robbinstabletennis.com.) It was $699.95 new. It’s international tournament quality, so I guess that means you can take it overseas with you if you want to compete.
3. It folds up vertically, and it has wheels which makes for easy storage. It also folds up horizontally if the table is upside down.
4. I’ll include a picture (attached as dougspingy.jpg), but you can also see it at robbinstabletennis.com.
5. Yes, it will require two people to get it out of the house and into a truck or trailer. If you are interested and show up alone, my wife Debbie will help you carry it out. She can get really amped when it comes to moving things, especially if she’s got her monthly demon.
Well, it’s a good deal, more than 50% off on a great table.
Let me know,
Doug “Topspin” Monroe
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From Doug (the next day):
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Hello, your email bounced. Everything okay?
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From Diane monb******@aol.com:
Yes, I don’t know why it would have been sent back.
That’s a really nice table! Where do you live?
I’m able to come out tonight to see it, but it may be too large for getting up the stairs into the rec room. Does it disassemble to make it easier?
Call me at 539-**** if you can. I’m going offline for awhile.
Diane
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From Doug:
Well, a lot of times when email is sent back, it usually means that the email address belongs to a spammer or someone that is trying to scam money via electronic transfer for goods that most likely don’t exist. I’ve sent a quick copy of our conversation along with your phone number to AOL, and they said they would keep a very close eye on your account activity, monitoring email behavior patterns, detecting potential spam-like material, etc.
But that table is really nice, isn’t it? I really don’t want to see it go, but we have no choice but to sell. The most important thing for me at this point is to make sure it’s going to a nice home. Sorry I missed your email last night, Debbie doesn’t like when I’m on the computer after 5pm, because she thinks it’s bad for my eyes, wrists, forearms, neckbone, posture, circulation, arthritis, and brain.
The table can be disassembled to make it easier for you to move up a flight of stairs. Can you send a picture of your hallway and staircase and I’ll let you know what I think?
Thanks,
Topspin
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From Diane (monb******@aol.com):
This project is on hold for the time being. I am waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is right now!
I live between Belgrade and Manhattan. Did you say you are in Bozeman?
Diane
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From Doug:
I’m sorry. I’m sorry, what? Can you repeat that? What does it mean when you say the project is on hold? You are waiting to hear back from a guy who has a table for $125, but he’s not sure where it is. Hmm…Sounds like a wonderful prospect. Let me ask you this. You’ve lost your glasses before, or, maybe a set of keys, but when’s the last time you lost a table? So now your project is on hold, which puts my project on hold, while we simultaneously wait for an idiot to locate a table. Where does he even get off contacting you about a table if he doesn’t know where it is? What did his email say (can you forward it to me?) I am really flummoxed. Let me get this straight. He emailed you and said something to the effect of “I have a ping pong table you might be interested in. I’m asking $125. Before I can sell it to you, I just have to find it.” I hope he never finds it and then you and I can continue on with our original project, the one where you have the money and the one where I have the table right here, and not the one where we both are waiting on a moron. I’m sorry if I seem a little bit tense, I’ve been having trouble going.
If you’d like, we can get that other guy on a conference call to see where things stand. I contacted you first, buy my table TODAY.
Thanks,
Topspin
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(no reply)
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F’d of the Day: Mower
Sep 1st
This guy is looking for a riding lawn mower with a zero turn ratio (that’s the ultimate in lawn mowing) for $100. That would be a great price, considering new ones go for somewhere in the thousands.
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Wanted Riding Lawn Mower – $100
Wanted a riding mower. I need a riding mower that may or may not need repairs. Will pay more for a zero turn. Please email me with what you have for sale.
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
Hey, I saw your add, you’re looking for a riding lawn mower right?
Whoooooeeeee do I have the mower for you. And a hundred bucks is the right price.
Are you still looking or did you find one already?
Doug
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From: David
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Doug,
I still need one 
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.
please let me know when and where to come pick it up. Do you have any pics? Have a great night.ff
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from greg*********@yahoo.com
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Hey DJ,
Thanks. Thanks for writing back. A lot of people, family included, sometimes ignore my emails. I have the mower of your dreams for a hundred bucks. I’m at my work computer now, so I don’t have the pics here. I’m just curious, this mower is a lot of mower, it will mow your lawn to whatever size you want the grass to be. I used to shave it down to about a quarter inch, it made my lawn look like the top of Johnny Unitas‘ head. Or you can go for a nice easy drive, sip a beer, and just give her a trim and keep it around 2-3 inches long. I used to tell my wife that I was going out to give it the ol’ Liza Minelli bush. She never did like that joke much, course, I never cared much for her saggies. So, just to recap, the mower is $100, and you can ride it, cut your grass, and drink a few beers. I’ll even throw in a 2 gallon gas tank (empty) and one of those hard hats that has the two holders for beers and the straw that goes to your mouth. Without beer, it takes me 2 hours to cut my grass. With beer, it still takes 2 hours, but it feels like 8 minutes. The only reason I’m selling is because I got a new John Deere.
Have a great day David. When I get pics I will send, okay?
Gregf
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Sent: Tue, August 31, 2010 4:14:04 AM
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
Thank you for writing back. Where are you located? Man that mower sounds exactly what I need. What kind is it? Really does not matter for 100 bucks but just curious. I’m ready to pick it up.
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from greg
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Hey DJ, you was up at 4:14am? Whooooooeee you must be an early riser. I’m a lot like you. I get up at 5am, grab a cold brew, take my beagle Buckshot for a walk, we come back and have a little steak and egg breakfast. I’ll tell you what, you ready for the perfect bite? You take a steak and sizzle it in the pan, then you add two eggs on either side of it in the pan. The eggs cook at the same time as the steak, however you want ‘em, over easy, sunny side up, over medium, you know, then when everything is ready, you put the steak on a plate and put the eggs right on top. I call it “steak and eggs” and it’s damn tasty. You won’t ever hear Buckshot give no complaints about this breakfast. I swear to the holy man in the white cape that one time Buckshot said “steak” under his breath. Anyway, let’s talk about grass cuttin’. I hope you have a big lawn because here’s that big boy I was telling you about.
Greg
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From: David
To: Greg
To: Greg
Subject: Re: lawnmower
Greg,
That really is a big boy. That is one heck of a mower. When can I come by and get the mower ? I am ready to get mowing. I am available anytime please let me know I need to get mowing before the wife kills me.
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…to be continued? If you want me to continue, please email: continuethisF@fwithpeople.com
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