F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged brewski
F’d of the Day: Two-fer! (100 Posts!)w
Dec 17th
We’re rolling out Two F’d of the Days today. Why? Well, to show you how much we appreciate your readership. Also, this is our 100th post, roughly 92 more than we thought we would ever have. Let’s face it, you could spend your time on over a billion other web sites. I’m often asked “Doug, what do you like most about your readers?” The thing I like most is that there are only 12 of you, so I’ll be seeing all of you at various Holiday parties this weekend. Have people sent in an email with pics to tightlyboundawesomeboobers@fwithpeople.com? Nope. Do people email in about a free t-shirt to contest@fwithpeople.com? Nope. But that’s okay. The important thing is, you come back periodically and see what we’re up to. If you’re at work, let’s face it, you’ve shut ‘er down for the weekend. Now sit back and relax. Let Doug whisk you away to F Land. Their ad and emails are in black, Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™ (and if you haven’t seen this mornings F’d of the Day, just scroll down after this one)
Couples in love (location witheld)
Hello love birds! I am just starting out in photography and need some lovey dovey couples to take photos of. It will be free of charge and compensation will be a CD with 40+ high resolution fully edited photos. So if you are interested in engagement photos or just a fun outting with your love let me know and we can set up a date! All couples from all walks of life are more than welcome!
Thanks and i look forward to working with you!
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From Doug:
Hello,
My wife and I would be interested, she used to do some modeling work. To be honest, it seems like there has to be some catch. So, what is the catch? Will you be using our photos to promote your business? (Which seems legitimate)
Thanks for any information.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Korrie:
Hi, yes I will be putting them in an online portfolio. The main catch is that I have never done this before so you would be helping me get practice in. Sort of a favor exchange I guess 
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I am looking to do mainly outdoor photos in a “candid yet posed” style. Just the two of you having fun, being lovey, and being yourselves. So my number is ***-***-**** call me to set up a time if you are interested. I have Sunday after 2:30 open and anytime between 1 and 5:30 for start times on Monday. If those don’t work for you we can figure something else out!
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From Doug:
hi KB,
The main catch is that you’ve never done couples photos before, or, you’ve never been a photographer before? We have a friend that says anyone can be a photographer, all you need is a camera and an index finger. Like I said, my wife has done modeling and, honestly, could probably give you some genuine pointers. She’s been in front of Leibovitz before, which was a total honor for her (even though Annie exhibited odd behavior around the craft services table.) So, she’s done a bunch of different types of shoots, and I’ve always just watched. We’d like to have someone take our photos just being ourselves, outside on a nice day, or, indoors looking out a window, etc. If you want to erase my face from the online portfolio, I completely understand.
So, we’re in ****** Hills. I’ll speak to my wife about Sunday, maybe around 4pm.
Thanks!
Doug
Thanks!
Doug
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From Korrie:
Well that is impressive she must be pretty hot! Lucky you:o) and if you are married to such a beautiful woman then I doubt I’d need to blur your face! So yeah no photography at all…but I think your friend is wrong, anyone can take a picture but not everyone has an eye for capturing beauty in pure forms. Taking a snap shot of a model will be beautiful because she is beautiful but finding beauty in normal everyday average looking to down right homely people takes a good eye and a kind heart. There is my hippie preaching for the day 
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.If you know any places you want the pictures done I can meet you there. I only know one little part of ******* which is where lake ***** turns into the high road because I used to live up there…but anywhere you want is good. Thanks for helping me out and I look forward to hearing what ol Annie did at the craft service table!
Korrie
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From Doug:
Thank you for saying that about my wife, I do feel very lucky. I’ve heard whispers from people that she’s only with me because of my money, but truth be told, I really don’t have as much as she thinks. Anyway, about Leibovitz. First, not many people know this, but her real name is Ann Jones, she just went with Leibovitz to have a more recognizable name in the industry. Second, she was the utmost professional during the shoot, which is why she’s recognized as one of the best photographers in the world. And while her finished product is second to none (sorry Korrie), I did find it unsettling when just before every shot she would say “1…2…3…cheese!” So, anyway, at the craft services table (one of my favorite places, btw), I’m standing there in front of the smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers, and trying to decide on a bagel. I grab the last ‘everything’ bagel, and Annie comes over and puts her hand on the bagel one second after I did. Now, I’m a southern gentleman, but, a bagel is a bagel like a parking spot is a parking spot . She goes “I’m sorry, I had my eye on this bagel.”
Me: “I love everything bagels, too. Since this one is gone, maybe you’d like to slip into something a little more comfortable, like that Sesame bagel?”
Annie: “I’m sorry. I just finished up a really exhausting shoot. I meant to come over earlier and, you know, set this bagel aside. It’s a process I have. Before the shoot, a glass of grapefruit juice and a cigarette. Then after the shoot, I have an everything bagel, with smoked salmon, lowfat cream cheese, and a light sprinkle of capers.”
Me: “Well, before an exhausting shoot, certainly, I could see how you would want to follow your typical routine. Maybe the juice combined with the cigarette help steady your hand, or, see light a certain way or whatever. I will have to disagree with you on the ‘after’ part, because, at this point, the shoot is over. Your body has no idea what’s coming next, so I mean, you could just have a slice of pizza or maybe a nap. You know?”
Annie: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Me: “I’m Doug Monroe.”
Annie: “Nice to meet you, Doug. I’m Annie Leibovitz. This (holds out arms and pivots body, looking around.) All of this that you see around you? The staging, the lighting, the camera, the assistants? All of it is mine.”
Me: “Nice to meet you, Annie. I’m Doug Monroe. This? (Holds up bagel) All of this bagel that you see in my hand? The top half, the bottom half, the dried garlic and onion, poppy seeds and sesame seeds? All of it is mine.”
Annie: “You really are a prick.”
Me: “Well, maybe, but I’m a prick with a really good bagel.”
Let’s just say that we don’t exchange Christmas cards, but if you have the chance, I certainly would recommend working with her. I’ll talk to my wife Debbie about a good spot around ******, she’s up there all the time, running the trails with our dog.
Happy Friday,
Doug
(To Be Continued)
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F’d of the Day: Bottles Away!
Sep 30th
By now you know great things are happening at fwithpeople.com. I’ve got a bunch of spambots trying to post comments and advertisements on the site. Sales from our online store are in the shitter. I’m the only person reading the posts, etc. etfc. Well, tomorrow we’ll unveil our first Mystery Writer, Captain F. And today, we’ve got a nice little F for you about antique bottles. Won’t you enjoy it? Their ad and emails are in black, and Doug writes it in blue. May the F be with you. (That’s trademarked, so, don’t use it around your office or I’ll find out about it.)
Glass Bottles (******)
I am looking for a couple of small glass bottles, clear or colored. If you have one or more that you’re looking to get rid of, please get in touch and send a photo if you can, thanks!
Examples of what I’m looking for:
From Doug:
Good Afternoon,
I have some clear bottles as well as some colored bottles. My aunt left them to me.
I’m not sure how many you’re looking for, and maybe you already found some already, but if not, let me know.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Mandy:
Hi Doug,
I am currently looking for a couple bottles to use as vases. Do you have any pictures of yours? Also, how much are you asking for them?
Thanks!
Mandy
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From Doug:
Mandy, hi,
I have 3 milk crates filled with bottles that look like those bottles you posted. Some are bigger, and some are smaller, almost miniature sized. My aunt left an antique piano to my sister, and she left me a bunch of bottles. Nice. I would ask for $1 per bottle. There are probably 25 of them (I’m at work so I’m not sure) but if you want them all, $20. (That’s a 20% discount I’m extending to any bulk purchase.)
Thank you for your reply.
Doug
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From Mandy:
Hi again Doug,
I would love to take a look at the bottles you have. I’m not sure where you are, but I live in the Parkside neighborhood of ******. Where/when could we get together so I could check them out?
Thanks
- Mandy
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-Mandy, hello,
I’ve got those bottles at home, if you’d like I could take a few pictures of them. My Aunt was a health nut, she kept spices and protein powders in the bottles. She’d use them for flower vases and had one in her bathroom filled with potpourri. As I am ‘not’ a health nut, I have a couple of them in my room and I filled them with skittles, loose change, and….tobacco. I’m right over by Grover Cleveland park. What did you think about the pricing? $20 takes ‘em all (except for the ones I’m keeping.)
Thanks,
Doug
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from Mandy:
Hi Doug,
I would love to see pictures of them. As far as $20 goes, that sounds fair but, I would really like see all of them first to see if I’d want all or just a few.
Thanks
- Mandy
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Hey -Mandy,
$20 does seem pretty fair, considering for all I know these are collectors items. Of course, like any purchase, you want to see the product first, so I’ve attached a couple of pictures for your review. I think you will find them to be to your liking, and of course, I can be a little flexible on price.
Thanks,
Doug
Doug
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From Mandy:
Doug – You are aware that you simply sent me photos from my cr**gslist ad as opposed to adding your own photographs, right?
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from Doug:
Mandy,
Well, what I’ve done is captured the images from your post and then saved them to my hard drive. Then you and I had some back and forth about, you know, what they looked like, how much they might cost, etc., and then when you seemed so excited to see pictures of them, I panicked and sent you the same pictures hoping you wouldn’t notice. But you did. The truth, the honest to god’s truth is, I didn’t have pictures of them yet. But I had a half day today, ran some errands (dentist, just a check up, nothing to be too concerned about) and then some laundry. I can take some pictures now and send them along. Sorry I tried to pull the ol’ willy nilly on you, I should have known you would recognize your own pictures. I hope you aren’t mad.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Mandy:
Doug,
That’s just weird. Please send along any photographs of YOUR bottles, if you even do have any to sell. Thanks.
-Mandy
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-Mandy,
It’s amazing how much you learn about people, and how much you meant to them, after they’ve passed on. Take my Aunt for example. She left a baby grand piano to my sister (estimated value $17,000) and left me 30 glass bottles with a value of about $20 (even though it appeared that you were going to haggle that price down to $18 at some point.) Well, I actually thought it was kind of me to send you similar pictures of the bottles I have. But, like all good things that come to an end after someone has called me weird, I went absolutely haywire on my Perrier bottle collection. Attached as “nobodycallsmeweird.jpg.”
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When I was finished with that, I decided to leave no trace of my Aunt in my home. Attached as “restinpieces.jpg”
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This weekend, I’m going to my sisters to sledgehammer that piano.
This sale is obviously off now. Good luck with your search.
Doug
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(no reply)
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F’d of the Day: Garage Doors
Sep 28th
UPDATE: For those of you that like “To Be Continued’s”, we have some more hijinx with our friend Marion who really, really, really wants that table. Just click this link to get caught up: http://fwithpeople.com/2010/09/fd-of-the-day-table-just-table/)
I will not rest until we sell a Wall Clock through the fwithpeople.com store. Where is this store everyone is talking about? Over to the left, click on “buy a t-shirt.” No purchase necessary to enter, but purchase necessary to exit. Below we responded to an ad for some “really cheap garage doors.” We write in blue, they write in black.
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from Doug:
My place is up for sale and the new owners said they’re going to knock down the garage and make a play area for their kids. anyways the doors are 12 x 12.
you said anywhere in your ad, so I’m in *****. are you near there and are you still looking for doors?
Doug
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from Tom:
****** is fine give me a call at ***-***-**** thanks Tom
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From Doug:
Do you have a big truck? You’re going to have to dis-assemble the doors and then put them in a pretty big truck, since you obviously know the dimensions.
What are you planning on doing with the doors?
Thanks,
Doug
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From Tom:
I have a truck to put them in. I know how to take them down. And I have some one already to help me do it. I have garage and the old wooden doors are getting rotted and I dont have the money to buy new.
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from Doug:
I gotcha. Okay, well, the truck was my biggest concern, because I sold an above ground pool to a guy who said he knew how to take it apart, so I was like “okay” and then he comes over here to pick it up in a Ford Focus. He told me he was just going to make 40 trips back and forth, like a real monkeys ass. I like to work with bright people so I’m glad to see you have the truck. So, it works like this, you show up, you take down the doors, pop them into the back of the truck, drive away, and no looking back (no refunds, no returns.) But, hey, don’t forget to give me the money. How does $500 grab you?
Doug
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From Tom:
500 plus the labor of taking them down is a lot of money . Id like to know more about them before I drive all the way up there. Wood or metal ? Insulated or not ? How old and what condition ?
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from Doug:
Yeah, well, we might be able to knock a little money off, when you take into consideration you and a friend are going to be doing all the work, taking them down, dis-assembling them, loading them into the truck, etc. I gotta figure that’s going to be an all day job, probably some Saturday. The doors are nice wood, I don’t know exactly the type, maybe Walnutto. You want me to run out there and take a quick picture and send them along?
Thanks,
Doug
from Tom:
A picture would be nice. That would tell me a lot about them
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from Doug:
The garage is on the left side. I’m going to need you and your friend to sign a waiver clearing me of any wrongdoing or personal injury and things like that. But if you look under the bricks and stuff, you’ll see that the doors are in surprisingly good shape, they just need a little Pledge. Speaking of bricks, note the loose section just above the doors, you’ll want to move gingerly about. As a token of my appreciation, you can also take that stainless steel dishwasher as a parting gift.
thanks,
Doug
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from Tom:
Thanks for the waste of time
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F’d of the Day: Old Photos!
Sep 24th
No one can stop me from posting two F’d of the Days. F’d's? Day? Anyway, we’re excited here at fwithpeople.com Headquarters because we’ve sold 4 shirts from our online store. Where is the online store you ask? Just click the link on the left. Now, I’ve heard a few people say “one per day is enough” but I simply cannot deprive my audience of 26 people of this F. If this one isn’t to your liking, I’m so sorry. You know the ad and their emails are in black, and you know I type in blue. May the F be with you.
OLD PHOTOS FROM 1800s, 1900s or older (NKY)
I am wanting old photos. I want ones from the victorian ages. Please email price and pictures and location please. Thanks.
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from Doug:
Good Afternoon,
I have a bunch of old pictures from the Old West (my family began out there after beginning in the old country) and I’ve had them protected in plastic since I inherited them. I have no idea what something like this is worth, but they are photos of everything from horse and buggies, to family photos, to saloon doors, to men tying horses to a post, etc.
Please let me know how much these are worth and if you’d like to see them.
Thanks,
Doug
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from Michelle:
Hi, I would love to see your photos. I have to tell you I don’t know there worth either. I love old photos and decided I want to collect them. I love the way things used to be and want to relive them through old photos. Let me know what you think would be a fair price. I promise they will have a cherished place in my home. Thank you, Michelle
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from Doug:
I love old photos, too, and that’s why I’ve kept them so long. I would say that if I took them out of their protective casing, I have enough to probably fill two shoeboxes. Some of them I would simply not be willing to part with (like the one of my Great Grandfather driving a spike into a horses hoof to keep the shoe on), but some of them I have no idea who the people are. They really have some great scenes, and being in black and white, even though I am a grown adult, I always think for some reason that people back then actually lived in black and white. Stupid, I know. Anyway, I’m not trying to make a financial killing, but maybe a few bucks a photo. Or maybe a batch of them for $5 a batch. Nothing crazy.
Are you going to put them in frames? Some are 8 x 12.
Thanks!
Doug
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from Michelle:
Doug, Thanks for getting back so quickly. Yes I plan to frame the favorite ones I find the others will be put into protective albums. I know what you mean about thinking they live in black and white I feel the same way. Could you send me some pictures of what you have? I would most likely want all that you are willing to part with. How much will you take for the whole lot? Thanks Michelle
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from Doug:
Michelle,
Of course I can send pictures. I’m just sitting here at work, it ain’t nothing but a thang. Attached is a picture of my great grandpappy’s boots and spurs. Circa 1833 (according to the back.) Amazing. He was a working man, a rancher. His friends called him “Jolly” because he was very happy even though there was no electricity and nothing else to do but farm and sleep. Anyway, he was the inspiration when they named the candy, Jolly Rancher. I look at this picture, close my eyes, and I can still smell the hot iron brand making contact with the horses hind quarters. You can almost hear the sizzle.
There are more pictures, I guess I would sell them all (except for a few keepsakes) for $50-$75?
Thanks,
Doug
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From Michelle:
That’s a nice picture but I am looking for something more with people and scenery. Do you have any like that? Thanks Michelle
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from Doug:
Hi Michelle,
Here is a picture of my great great uncle Gabriel and his friend Rusty Fontaine (attached as gabeandrusty.jpg.) There was a quick note on the back from Gabriel and it reads: “Rusty…the days grow short but my fondness for you grows long. We ranch all day and sit by the fire all night. Everything here reminds me of you, especially when we’re husking corn.” My grandmother use to deny the electricity between them, but how can you? You can’t.
Thanks,
Doug
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(no reply)
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