F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged boobies
Fwithpeople.com: Booby Tuesday
Jan 11th
We get a lot of email inquiries regarding various topics. “Are those real emails?” (yes), “Why do you guys do this?” (because it’s fun), “What are tightly bound awesome boobers?” (let us show you)
This picture was sent in by a faithful reader (to tightlyboundawesomeboobers@fwithpeople.com) and might be one of the best pictures of all time. This is really why the camera was invented. Ansel Adams was a pussy who took a couple of neat black and whites. Annie Leibovitz zooms in on celebrities faces and pushes a button with her index finger and calls it photography. Whoever took the picture below is an artist. It looks like her friend is trying to blow out candles on a birthday cake. This picture probably could be titled “not safe for work” but does anyone even care about that anymore? Today is Boober Tuesday, and we’ll see about getting an F’d of the Day up there at some point.
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F’d of the Day: Steelers!
Dec 7th
Happy Tuesday from Fwithpeople.com. You might be asking yourself, “what makes this day so happy?” Well, not only did we announce our partnership with PayPal last week and a new t-shirt Contest yesterday, we also created a new Contest Page (located above) where you can see how to enter our various contests. That’s what makes it happy. Now, let’s get to the F’d of the Day. Their ad and emails are in black, and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
WANT A STEELERS WATCH FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT (PA)
I AM LOOKING FOR A NICE STEELERS WATCH FOR MY FATHER FOR CHRISTMAS EMAIL A PHOTO AND PRICE FOR THE WATCH OR CALL ME AT ***-***-**** THANK YOU
From Doug:
Hey! Only 24 more shopping days to get that watch. You probably found it already, but if not, let me know and I’ll send along the photos of the watch I have for sale.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Frank:
Send photos to *********@hotmail.com
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From Doug:
Oh, hey Frank. I really get the sense that you’re filled with Christmas cheer, and that’s why I’m happy to sell you this watch. I also have signed photos of some Steelers, too, if you’re Dad is a real big fan. Tell you the truth, I don’t even want to get rid of them, but my wife Debbie wants me to clear out some of this clutter. Here’s a picture of the watch, let me know what you think.
Doug
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From Frank:
Thats too flashy for my father. What autographs do you have?
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From Doug:
What do you mean, too flashy? Like, made of metal? What kind of watch does your dad want, a wooden one? It’s a Steelers watch, and it’s made of 100% cast iron steel. Note the craftsmanship of this timepiece. It has 24 hour capability, giving you the exact time, down to the second, if that’s what you’re looking for. You can wind this watch, or, you can simply wave your arm back and forth like you’re hailing a cab. Note the authentic Steelers colors. The blue signifies the blue collar work ethic that Pittsburgh is known for. The red symbolizes the heat of molten metals, as metal was the number one export of the region. The yellow is symbolic of the early days of Pittsburgh, when the two t’s used to be silent and waste simply flowed down the streets and into the Three Rivers. Speaking of the Rivers, your Dad can also Scuba with this watch up to 100 feet. This watch won’t last long. $20.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Frank:
He won’t like that watch so I don’t want it. What pictures do you have?
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From Doug:
If you think you’re going to haggle me down to $17.50, or, worse, $17, you can forget about it. My inbox is blowing up with offers from other Steelers fans, and really, what makes this watch unique and almost a collectible, other than its ability to tell time to the second, is that fact that it can go on either wrist. Well, we all remember Big Ben’s motorcycle accident. He hooked up with 3 nurses at the Hospital that day. So, we got to talking one night over dinner, and he ended up giving me a famous autographed picture. I’ll sell this picture for $350, however, you’d probably want to buy it for someone named Doug.
Thanks,
Doug
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(Click to view whole image)
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(No reply)
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F’d of the Day: Fore!
Dec 3rd
It feels good to be back. We busted out an F’d of the Day yesterday and announced our Strategic Partnership with PayPal. We received some fan mail from a guy pretending to be in South Dakota. What will happen next? First, we’ll start off your Friday with an F’d of the Day (below.) This afternoon, we’ll be announcing our monthly contest where you can win a Christmas present from Fwithpeople.com. In the meantime, let’s get back on track by F’ng with this guy. His ad and emails are in black, and Dougie Monroe types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
golf cart wanted (central)
LOOKING FOR A ELECTRIC GOLF CART . IT MUST BE A 4 SEATER. PERFER SOMETHING CHEAPER BUT IN GOOD MECHANICAL SHAPE
From Doug:
Hi, I got a 4 seat electric cart I’m not using. It was my grandfathers and he
left it to me. Good shape, starts up, comes with the charging kit and the seats
are like new. Also has one spare tire. You probably found a cart by now, but
if not, let me know.
Thanks,
Doug
From Chad:
Havent found one yet are you local or could you send me some pics im in the D****** area also what are you asking for it
From Doug:
Chad,
I’m in *******. I could probably get some pictures from my home PC but I really need to know if you’re serious about purchasing this Cart.
1. What is your budget like?
2. Are you using this for golf or recreation?
3. Do you belong to a private club?
4. Will this cart be used on private or public roads? If public, I will need proof that your license is in good standing.
5. Would you be willing to sign a disclaimer waiving me (and my family) from any wrongdoing or injury suffered as a result from operating this cart?
This is important.
Thank you,
Doug
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From Chad:
I’m looking for a recreational cart for me and my son as a father and son project to eventually customize the way we want to.
So no i do not belong to any kind of club. Just thinking this is a great way for my son and i to spend time together. It will be mainly used when we go camping. So if yoare interested you can call me @ ***-***-**** Chad thanks
So no i do not belong to any kind of club. Just thinking this is a great way for my son and i to spend time together. It will be mainly used when we go camping. So if yoare interested you can call me @ ***-***-**** Chad thanks
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From Doug:
Hi Chad,
Thanks for getting back to me, that’s a great idea for the project. That’s why I’d be willing to sell this cart to you for $250 (marked down from $600.) It’s the holidays, and quite frankly, my wife Debbie wants me to get rid of the last of these carts. I got this one on a trailer, so I can drop it off ($50 delivery fee.) Obviously, for $250, it’s going to need a “little” work, but nothing major. Take a look at the picture, and let me know what you think. I also have a cart where the back seat faces forward if you’re more interested in that (price is a little higher.) I’ve also attached the waiver, which is just standard stuff and covers me in case I drop off the cart and you drive it into your pool.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Chad:
Sounds good i can pick it up please call me when you get a chance ***-***-****
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From Doug:
I didn’t see anything in your email. Please re-send it or type something this time.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Chad:
Sorry i was replying from my phone i have a truck and trailer i can pick it up. call me @ ***-***-**** so we can arrange for me to come and get it . thanks
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From Doug:
That’s great you have the truck and trailer, it will save you the $50 on delivery and will save me some time, so I appreciate that. Before you come over and take a look (and take it for a test drive), I’ll need to you fill in the blanks on this document. By typing the information in, it basically clears me of any wrongdoing or bodily harm you might get while getting in the cart and driving it on my property (or after you purchase it.) Again, it’s pretty standard stuff, but I’ll need it before we have you come over. Thanks, Doug
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Agreement Assuming Risk of Injury or Damage, Waiver, and Release of Claims against Doug’s Cart Emporium, Inc. LLC
I, ________________________, do hereby release Douglas Monroe (i.e. Doug’s Cart Emporium, Inc. LLC) from any and all liabilities related in any way to the bodily harm or injury suffered as a result of using golf carts.) By signing this release, I acknowledge my understanding and acceptance of the following:
1. The cart may not be used on public roads, access roads, interstate highways, or on or near train tracks.
2. Children under the age of 12 must be supervised by a sober adult, and they must wear helmets at all times as a passenger in the cart.
3. Alcohol may not be consumed prior to or while driving the cart.
4. Extremities (arms, legs, feet, head, neckbone, face, et al.) must be kept inside the cart at all times
5. No sticky snacks (such as Fruit Roll-ups or Sour patch kids) allowed, as they could affect operability of cart, yet dry snacks (Goldfish, Cheez-its, assorted nuts, etc.) are acceptable.
6. No foul language, gang displays, or graffiti allowed on cart.
7. No trick driving, stunts, donuts, wheelies, leanies, or other Dukes behavior, and absolutely no “Roof Surfing.”
8. No “pimping” the ride, no “shiny rims”, no Mercedes Hood Ornaments and no rapping.
9. No Tweeting while driving.
I have read the Release of Liability for Personal Injury and have been given the opportunity to speak with a representative of Doug’s Cart Emporium, Inc. LLC before signing this release.
Dated:________________
Print Name:_________________
Signature:___________________
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From Chad:
on the form at the bottom it says that i have read the form and have had a chance to speak to representatve of dougs cart emporium inc.llc but you have not called like i have asked .
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From Doug:
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Pursuant to exhibit A, Document 1, Seller of cart “Douglas Monroe”, of Doug’s Cart Emporium, Inc LLC, demands immediate termination of any and all agreements, verbal, written, or otherwise with Chad ****** regarding the sale of a 4 person Electronic Golf Cart. Grounds for dismissal based on defendants outright refusal to sign waiver, coupled with an entitled attitude, the basis of which is completely unfounded and puzzling to this Court. We find in favor of Doug’s Cart Emporium, Inc LLC, and permission to terminate this agreement has been granted. The Court will now give the plaintiff an opportunity to comment. Mr. Monroe?
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Douglas Monroe: “I have nothing further.”
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Mr. ******?
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(no reply)
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F’d of the Day: Ferret!
Sep 24th
The ad was for a sweet ferret. Doug just so happens to have a sweet ferret, so he answered the ad. Then all sorts of hijinx takes place. You’ll see. Love, Doug. (Ad and their emails in black, Doug’s emails in blue)
looking for a sweet ferret
looking for a well tempered ferret please contact me with information
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from Doug:
Hi,
I have a great 1 year old ferret. I really don’t even want to sell him but I have to move and my new place will not allow pets. You may have found your ferret already, but if not, let me know so I can tell Paco.
Thanks,
Doug
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from alcorra@*****.com
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how much?
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from Doug:
I can really sense your kindness and love for animals, so I know Paco is going to a nice home. I really don’t feel comfortable putting a monetary figure on him, because we’ve shared 12 months of companionship (napping, snacking, wheel of fortune, etc), but since I have no choice but to sell, I will say $40. Also, you have to promise to love him.
Thanks,
Doug
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from alcorra@*****.com
I will talk it over with my room mate and i will i want to addopt one so bad i didnt rly want to bye one when there are ones that need homes
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from Doug:
Well, if I let you adopt Paco, you have to at least give me $20. You could actually hand me the $20, then walk out the front door with Paco, put him in your car with your roommate, and then come and meet me out back and I will give you the $20 back. I just want Paco to see the money transaction so he can feel the same pride an arabian horse feels when it’s sold to the highest bidder. For the record, I don’t believe he really knows the value of a 20 dollar bill as he would never bring back the right change from the pizza delivery guy. I’m going to attach a photo of Paco for you. He went as Howard Hughes last Halloween.
Thanks,
Doug
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from alcorra@*****.com
does he has a cage and everything?
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from Doug:
We let Paco run free in the house, like a child. He can go where he pleases. We leave him alone in the house while we go to work and he’s allowed to feed himself. We let him use the microwave, plastic spoons (he doesn’t like metal for some reason), and has his own filtered water dispenser (I’ll give this to you.) Under no circumstances should you allow him to use sharp objects like steak knives, can openers, or carrot peelers. He is also not very trustworthy when it comes to turning off the stovetop when he is done with it. I’ll attach a picture of Paco dressed up as a Carolina Panthers Cheerleader. Don’t worry, don’t worry, he is all man. In fact, don’t let him near any female gerbils. He can really go to town.
I will include his carrying case if you want.
Thanks,
Doug
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(no reply)
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