Posts tagged blasties
F’d of the Day: Calling all Ice Sculptors
Dec 31st
Ho-Ho-Ho! Happy New Year! Get ready for a big 2011! Guess who else is gearing up for great 2011? Exxon! YEAH! HAHAHA! Bring on some higher gas prices, we dare you! Hey, we don’t mind paying premium prices for premium octane, am I right? We submitted a song to Exxon to be used in a commercial and it goes like this: (to the tune of “These Boots Were Made for Walkin.” Seriously, sing it outloud)
This Earth was made for drillin’
That’s just what we’ll do,
One of these days Exxon’s
gonna drill all over you.
(as the camera fades back into Space it shows a gigantic drill splitting the Earth in half)
Okay, we don’t want to make it seem like we’re putting ads in our blog, but it’s no secret we’re fans of Big Oil. We may even announce a partnership in the very near future, like the ones we have with Twitter, Facebook, Cyberclop, EnergyBorg, and Amazon (feel free to peruse our Amazon shop in the right side column of our blog.) Let’s get down to business. Today’s F’d of the Day features Doug applying for an Ice Sculpting position. We get a lot of email (oh, a lot), saying things like “You went too fast with this person” or “you should have strung them along more.” Thanks for the advice, but be quiet. Doug knows what he’s doing. Their ad and emails are in black and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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Ice Sculptor Needed
Hi Doug,
Please do send samples and a price.
Thank you,
Lisa
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From Doug:
Good Morning Lisa,
Thank you for writing back. Ice Sculpting has certainly seen some changes over the past 10 to 15 years. It was once considered art, where only a gifted few, myself included, could transform giant blocks of ice into living and breathing replicas of things we see in everyday life. I could sculpt a swan using a small ice pick, blindfolded, while my other hand reads braille (as my eyesight isn’t what it once was.) Did you know that the “Braille for Dummies” book comes in Braille? I don’t think that’s fair. Now, some 15 years later, Ice Sculpting has become the “soup (ice) du jour”, where every culinary student thinks a chainsaw, a file, and an ice pick is their ticket to fame. I was known as the Stevie Wonder of Ice Sculpting (you can Google it), which I take as an insult because I can play the piano about as well as Steven can sculpt. The only thing we have in common is we are both legally blind, and both have braids.
With all of my art, I tend to start off small and work my way to larger, majestic pieces. This first piece I offer you is called “Bowl of Ice,” and it costs $900. Water will freeze quickly at 32 degrees fahrenheit, but what we’ve done here is allow for a long, slow freeze at a temperature of 33 degrees. It’s what you would call a “soft” ice. This is a beautiful ice that can be looked at, or, perhaps tonged into a Holiday drink. Our “soft” ice is suitable for all ages to safely consume, so you won’t have to worry about a 12 year old tapping out during your event. (attached as “dougsbowlofice.jpg”)
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The second piece I offer is one I am not particularly proud of because it requires no imagination or creativity whatsoever, but it is the piece that oftentimes gets me hired. It’s a sculpture of a Blackberry phone and the picture was taken at an event in Pittsburgh (a city whose dark plumbing history would horrify you.) This piece is $4,500 and it’s called “No, It Won’t Dial Out.” Before you say “Wow! That’s amazing! It looks exactly like a giant Blackberry!”, don’t, I’ve heard it all before and already know it. (attached as dougcorporatesellout.jpg)
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The third and final piece I offer is my “piece de resistance” or “Art you simply cannot resist.” What I’ve done is take 40 million tons of snow and ice and create a landscape of what you might see in Antarctica. Some in the Ice Sculpture community would frown on my use of snow, to them it’s like lip-synching at the Grammy’s. However, snow is technically ice broken into millions of little pieces by God. When it’s raining, people say God is crying, and when there’s Thunder, God is going poopers. When it’s snowing, people have joked that God has dandruff, or it’s his Athlete’s Foot flaking off. I like to think that God is telling the world that he wants me to sculp something. This piece is called “Tundra” and it’s $4 million. (attached as dougstundra.jpg. Doug Monroe Ice Sculpting, Inc. LLC not responsible for mountain range in rear)
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Those are my three offerings. If you would like something created specifically for your event, please let me know.
Thanks,
Doug
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(no reply)
F’d of the Day: Steelers!
Dec 7th
Happy Tuesday from Fwithpeople.com. You might be asking yourself, “what makes this day so happy?” Well, not only did we announce our partnership with PayPal last week and a new t-shirt Contest yesterday, we also created a new Contest Page (located above) where you can see how to enter our various contests. That’s what makes it happy. Now, let’s get to the F’d of the Day. Their ad and emails are in black, and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
WANT A STEELERS WATCH FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT (PA)
F’d of the Day: Ping Pong Hero
Nov 4th
We are rolling in the aisles here at Fwithpeople.com HQ because some concrete numbers have come in. These figures cannot be disputed, so don’t bother trying. Here they are: 161, 109, 77, 53, 48 and 24. What do those number represent? Nope, wrong, they aren’t Sparky Andersons daily weigh-ins. They do represent, in chronological order of release, the overall view counts our Project F videos. That sigh you just let out sums up our morning. Let’s turn this shit around and F with someone in Montana. Their ad and emails are in black, Dougie Monroe types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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Ping Pong table, gently used – $250
From Doug:
From Diane (monb******@aol.com)
Lazy Afternoon F…
Sep 1st
Bass amp needed for gig – $40
This is a small gig so I definitely don’t need anything huge. A small-to-medium sized combo amp will do nicely.
I’ll pick it up Thursday and bring it back Saturday. I’ll pay you $40, and we could work out another dollar amount as a deposit if necessary.
Please contact by email if you have something available. Thanks!
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To: Doug <doug***@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Bass Amp
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Great news! Where do you live, and when could I come by to check it out?
Ben
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Subject: Re: Bass Amp
To: Ben
I’m in *******, and you can come by and pick it up, or I can drop it off to you if you’re going to be near or in downtown. The thing is in great shape, I may end up just giving it to you as I have plenty of them. How long have you been playing the bass? I’ve been letting my fingers do the talking on a bass for about….woah….20 years. What kind of tunes do you and your band play? Keep on rockin’.
Krist
Ben
Krist
p.s. I’m also selling insurance now, if you need any coverage.








