F'ing people, one email at a time
Posts tagged amp
F’d of the Day: Two-fer! (100 Posts!)w
Dec 17th
We’re rolling out Two F’d of the Days today. Why? Well, to show you how much we appreciate your readership. Also, this is our 100th post, roughly 92 more than we thought we would ever have. Let’s face it, you could spend your time on over a billion other web sites. I’m often asked “Doug, what do you like most about your readers?” The thing I like most is that there are only 12 of you, so I’ll be seeing all of you at various Holiday parties this weekend. Have people sent in an email with pics to tightlyboundawesomeboobers@fwithpeople.com? Nope. Do people email in about a free t-shirt to contest@fwithpeople.com? Nope. But that’s okay. The important thing is, you come back periodically and see what we’re up to. If you’re at work, let’s face it, you’ve shut ‘er down for the weekend. Now sit back and relax. Let Doug whisk you away to F Land. Their ad and emails are in black, Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™ (and if you haven’t seen this mornings F’d of the Day, just scroll down after this one)
Couples in love (location witheld)
Hello love birds! I am just starting out in photography and need some lovey dovey couples to take photos of. It will be free of charge and compensation will be a CD with 40+ high resolution fully edited photos. So if you are interested in engagement photos or just a fun outting with your love let me know and we can set up a date! All couples from all walks of life are more than welcome!
Thanks and i look forward to working with you!
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From Doug:
Hello,
My wife and I would be interested, she used to do some modeling work. To be honest, it seems like there has to be some catch. So, what is the catch? Will you be using our photos to promote your business? (Which seems legitimate)
Thanks for any information.
Thanks,
Doug
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From Korrie:
Hi, yes I will be putting them in an online portfolio. The main catch is that I have never done this before so you would be helping me get practice in. Sort of a favor exchange I guess 
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I am looking to do mainly outdoor photos in a “candid yet posed” style. Just the two of you having fun, being lovey, and being yourselves. So my number is ***-***-**** call me to set up a time if you are interested. I have Sunday after 2:30 open and anytime between 1 and 5:30 for start times on Monday. If those don’t work for you we can figure something else out!
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From Doug:
hi KB,
The main catch is that you’ve never done couples photos before, or, you’ve never been a photographer before? We have a friend that says anyone can be a photographer, all you need is a camera and an index finger. Like I said, my wife has done modeling and, honestly, could probably give you some genuine pointers. She’s been in front of Leibovitz before, which was a total honor for her (even though Annie exhibited odd behavior around the craft services table.) So, she’s done a bunch of different types of shoots, and I’ve always just watched. We’d like to have someone take our photos just being ourselves, outside on a nice day, or, indoors looking out a window, etc. If you want to erase my face from the online portfolio, I completely understand.
So, we’re in ****** Hills. I’ll speak to my wife about Sunday, maybe around 4pm.
Thanks!
Doug
Thanks!
Doug
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From Korrie:
Well that is impressive she must be pretty hot! Lucky you:o) and if you are married to such a beautiful woman then I doubt I’d need to blur your face! So yeah no photography at all…but I think your friend is wrong, anyone can take a picture but not everyone has an eye for capturing beauty in pure forms. Taking a snap shot of a model will be beautiful because she is beautiful but finding beauty in normal everyday average looking to down right homely people takes a good eye and a kind heart. There is my hippie preaching for the day 
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.If you know any places you want the pictures done I can meet you there. I only know one little part of ******* which is where lake ***** turns into the high road because I used to live up there…but anywhere you want is good. Thanks for helping me out and I look forward to hearing what ol Annie did at the craft service table!
Korrie
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From Doug:
Thank you for saying that about my wife, I do feel very lucky. I’ve heard whispers from people that she’s only with me because of my money, but truth be told, I really don’t have as much as she thinks. Anyway, about Leibovitz. First, not many people know this, but her real name is Ann Jones, she just went with Leibovitz to have a more recognizable name in the industry. Second, she was the utmost professional during the shoot, which is why she’s recognized as one of the best photographers in the world. And while her finished product is second to none (sorry Korrie), I did find it unsettling when just before every shot she would say “1…2…3…cheese!” So, anyway, at the craft services table (one of my favorite places, btw), I’m standing there in front of the smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers, and trying to decide on a bagel. I grab the last ‘everything’ bagel, and Annie comes over and puts her hand on the bagel one second after I did. Now, I’m a southern gentleman, but, a bagel is a bagel like a parking spot is a parking spot . She goes “I’m sorry, I had my eye on this bagel.”
Me: “I love everything bagels, too. Since this one is gone, maybe you’d like to slip into something a little more comfortable, like that Sesame bagel?”
Annie: “I’m sorry. I just finished up a really exhausting shoot. I meant to come over earlier and, you know, set this bagel aside. It’s a process I have. Before the shoot, a glass of grapefruit juice and a cigarette. Then after the shoot, I have an everything bagel, with smoked salmon, lowfat cream cheese, and a light sprinkle of capers.”
Me: “Well, before an exhausting shoot, certainly, I could see how you would want to follow your typical routine. Maybe the juice combined with the cigarette help steady your hand, or, see light a certain way or whatever. I will have to disagree with you on the ‘after’ part, because, at this point, the shoot is over. Your body has no idea what’s coming next, so I mean, you could just have a slice of pizza or maybe a nap. You know?”
Annie: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Me: “I’m Doug Monroe.”
Annie: “Nice to meet you, Doug. I’m Annie Leibovitz. This (holds out arms and pivots body, looking around.) All of this that you see around you? The staging, the lighting, the camera, the assistants? All of it is mine.”
Me: “Nice to meet you, Annie. I’m Doug Monroe. This? (Holds up bagel) All of this bagel that you see in my hand? The top half, the bottom half, the dried garlic and onion, poppy seeds and sesame seeds? All of it is mine.”
Annie: “You really are a prick.”
Me: “Well, maybe, but I’m a prick with a really good bagel.”
Let’s just say that we don’t exchange Christmas cards, but if you have the chance, I certainly would recommend working with her. I’ll talk to my wife Debbie about a good spot around ******, she’s up there all the time, running the trails with our dog.
Happy Friday,
Doug
(To Be Continued)
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F’d of the Day: England Nigerians
Dec 14th
Fwithpeople.com is pleased to announce we have partnered with global money launderers and have extended our presence in the funds transfer marketplace to England. Said CEO and Founder Doug Monroe “It’s true, we are open for business. We’re finding that there is a global market for overseas funds tranfers, and we’re in a very strong position to streamline that process.” While Monroe would not disclose information about his partners, he did say he would receive funds from “anyone.”
This partner from England types in black, and Doug types it up in blue. Feel free to email this partner yourself to see if you can get involved with your own transfer. May the F be with you ™
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From: Mr Charles lepp1@live.co.uk
Sent: Mon, December 13, 2010 8:49:27 PM
Subject: FROM CHARLES
IT IS A PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TO YOU A BUSINESS THAT WILL MAKE THE BEGINNING OF NEVER-ENDING FAMILY RELATIONSHIP AND I HOPE THIS PROPOSAL WILL NOT BE AN INCONVENIENCE OR EMBARASSEMENT TO YOU.
I AM CHARLES THE ONLY SON OF LATE MR PHILIP WHO WAS A FAMOUS COCOA MERCHANT. MY LATE FATHER OPERATED HIS COCOA BUSINESS IN ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE UNDER PARTNERSHIP BUT UNFORTUNATELLY HIS BUSINESS ASSOCIATES POISONED HIM IN ORDER TO CLAIM HIS WEALTH IN A COCKTAIL PARTY HELD IN HIS HONOUR AS THE DIRECTOR OF THE COMPANY.WHEN HE WAS POISONED,HE WAS RUSHED TO THE HOSPITAL.
IT WAS IN THE HOSPITAL THAT HE SECRETLY DISCLOSED TO ME THE CAUSE OF THE SICKNESS AND ALSO THAT HE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF $4.8M(FOUR MILLION EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS ONLY) IN A SUSPENCE ACCOUNT TO A BANK HERE IN ABIDJAN-COTE D’IVOIRE AND THAT I WAS MADE THE NEXT OF KIN TO INHERIT THE MONEY IN HIS RECORD/FILE.
HE THEREFORE ADVISED ME TO LOOK FOR A RELIABLE,TRUST WORTHY AND GOD-FEARING PERSON WHO WILL ASSIST ME TO TRANSFER THIS FUNDS ABROAD STRICTLY FOR INVESTEMENT PURPOSES.THIS IS BECAUSE HE DIDN’NT WANT HIS ASSOCIATES TO RAISE AN EYEBROW ON HIS FUND.HE ALSO ADVISED ME TO AVOID HIS ASSOCIATES WHO WILL BE RUNNING AFTER MY DEAR LIFE,HE FINALLY DIED IN THE HOSPITAL AFTER TWO DAYS OF ADMISSION.
I AM SOLICITING FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE $4.8M INTO YOUR ACCOUNT FOR AN INVESTMENT PURPOSES OVER THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY.I HOPE TO TRAVEL WITH YOU TO YOUR COUNTRY AFTER A SUCCESSFUL TRANSFER OF THIS FUNDS.THE CONTACT OF THE BANK WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU AS SOON AS YOU SHOW YOUR INTEREST AND WILLINGNESS TO ME.YOU CAN NOW INSTRUCT THEM ON WHERE AND HOW THE MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED.
I AM OFFERING YOU 10% OF THE TOTAL SUM OF $4.800.000 AS COMMISSION FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO THE TRANSFER OF THIS FUND INTO YOUR COUNTRY.MAY I STRONGLY RE-EMPHASIZE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL,HITCHFREE AND THIS WILL BE SUCCESSFULLY CONCLUDED WITHIN 10 DAYS ACCORDING TO YOUR EFFORTS.
THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED CO-OPERATION.PLEASE CALL ME AT +22505212947 FOR MORE DETAILS.
YOURS SINCERELY,
CHARLES.
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From Doug:
Charles,
How could your father be so stupid to allow himself to be poisoned? After he whispered in your ear about the money, were his last words “I can’t believe how much of a fucking idiot I am?” or “You left your caps lock on…” Anyway, sorry to hear that he died, but one less dumb person means another idiot out of the way and more food and water for the rest of us. Why would that be an inconvenience to me? I’m not digging the hole for him. If anything, he’s an embarrassment to your family.
I am very pleased that you contacted me. Like you, I also do not care about the investigation or capture of the people responsible for poisoning your dope of a father. He’s dead and there’s nothing we can do now but split up the pie. We should each give 1% of our earnings to the people that poisoned him, and maybe have a cocktail reception (I’ll be drinking bottled water, and suggest you do the same.)
Also, it looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the Dummy Tree. Did you put your direct phone number in your email? You never put your phone number in email correspondence when you’re talking about overseas funds trafficking. What you need to do is create a Skype account and do a search for me, my Skyper name is DJDaddyLongCockins.
And, nice try on the 10%, but this isn’t my first time at the Overseas Funds Transfer Rodeo. My number is 20%, and everybody knows that.
That’s right.
Doug
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(no reply)
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Lazy Afternoon F…
Sep 1st
This guy needs to get out there to buy a new amp and he’s running out of time, and yet, he had time to post this ad. If anyone wants to help this guy out by lending him an amp, please just email: thisguyneedsanamp@fwithpeople.com
(his emails are in black, and my replies, from Doug, are in blue)
Bass amp needed for gig – $40
My band is playing a gig in ******* on Friday night, and my amp is busted. I can’t get it repaired in time for the show, so I need to borrow one.
This is a small gig so I definitely don’t need anything huge. A small-to-medium sized combo amp will do nicely.
I’ll pick it up Thursday and bring it back Saturday. I’ll pay you $40, and we could work out another dollar amount as a deposit if necessary.
Please contact by email if you have something available. Thanks!
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from Doug:
Hey man, saw your ad for the amp. You can borrow mine, $40 is kind of unnecessary. If it makes you feel better, I guess you could buy me a latte and maybe talk for a bit?
Let me know..
Krist
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From: Ben.*****@yahoo.com>
To: Doug <doug***@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Bass Amp
To: Doug <doug***@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: Bass Amp
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Great news! Where do you live, and when could I come by to check it out?
Ben
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: Bass Amp
To: Ben
Subject: Re: Bass Amp
To: Ben
Hey Ben,
I’m in *******, and you can come by and pick it up, or I can drop it off to you if you’re going to be near or in downtown. The thing is in great shape, I may end up just giving it to you as I have plenty of them. How long have you been playing the bass? I’ve been letting my fingers do the talking on a bass for about….woah….20 years. What kind of tunes do you and your band play? Keep on rockin’.
Krist
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From Ben:
I live at State and ****, right in the ****town. I could be around any time tomorrow evening. If that doesn’t work, I could also head out to ****** to pick it up. What kind of amp is it?
Ben
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From Doug:
Cool. Cool. The ***********, I’ll have to check it out. Wouldn’t mind sitting in with you guys for a couple of tunes, maybe an encore, you know? The amp is an Orange AD200. Both me and Geddy Lee (of Rush) endorse it. It’s back-to-basics, 200W tube head that is about as close as you can come to plugging your bass straight into a power amp. Active and passive inputs, master volume and gain, treble middle and bass, standby and power switches, all front mounted. Here’s a cool early pic from my band (I’m on the right in the monkey suit and pilgrim hair.) I’d send you the link to our site, but you probably know it already.
Krist
p.s. I’m also selling insurance now, if you need any coverage.
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(no reply)
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