F'ing people, one email at a time
F’d of the Day
F’d of the Day
F’d of the Day: Scamsville
Dec 21st
Happy Tuesday from Fwithpeople.com. In this business of ours, sometimes you run into the long con, or the long F, as it were. This F’d of the Day has been going on since before last Easter, and when you think ”who has enough time in their day to continue on with this?”, the answer to that is always “Doug Monroe.” These Nigerian Scammers are just trying to make a little extra Christmas money while they claim to contact us from Africa (even though a trace of their IP address shows they are, in fact, in New York, home of the flim-flam.) This F’d of the Day has been updated, so their emails are in black and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™ If this is your first time visiting Fwithpeople.com, thank you, you’re our 13th visitor.
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FROM HELEN BONGANI.
UNITED NATION REFUGEE CAMP JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA.
TEL: + 27 78 308 0492
Email Address: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
UNITED NATION REFUGEE CAMP JOHANNESBURG
SOUTH AFRICA.
TEL: + 27 78 308 0492
Email Address: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
STRICTLY PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL
You may be surprised to receive this letter from me although we have not met in person but for the purpose of introduction and good relationship I am Helen Bongani, the Son of Late Mr. Tony Bongani, a farmer and one of the Executive members of MOVEMENT FOR DEMOCRATIC CHANGE (MDC) in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land and political dispute in Zimbabwe. Please go through this site for more info: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/6463653.stm
Before the death of my father, he had taken me to Johannesburg-South Africa to deposit the sum of US$70Million ( Seventy Million United State Dollars), in a Private Security and Finance Company, as if he fore saw the looming danger in Zimbabwe . This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the farms and the establishment of the new farms in Swaziland. In fact, a lot of people have been killed because of this land and political dispute for which my father was one of the victims. I am presently an ASYLUM SEEKER (REFUGEE) here in SOUTH AFRICA and the strict law of South Africa prohibits any refugee (asylum seeker) the legal rights to engage in any international or local transactions.
I and my family will offer you 40% of the total amount as soon as the fund is transferred into your nominated bank account overseas and 10% is for any unforeseen expenses, while the remaining 50% will be for me and my family’s investment in your country. Please contact me on my private telephone number + 27 78 308 0492 or contact me through my private Email address helenbonganu@hotmail.com
for further proceedings.
Kindly keep this transaction confidential to your self for my family security as our present political position.
I wait for your urgent respond.
Best Regards,
Helen Bongani
(For the family)
Helen Bongani
(For the family)
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: I NEED YOUR HELP
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: I NEED YOUR HELP
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Helen,
Thank you for writing. Please let me know what I can do to help. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss.
God bless you,
Doug
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From: Helen Bongani <helenbonganu@hotmail.com>
To: Doug
Subject: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
Dear Doug,
I am very happy and glad to hear from you. I am particularly happy that you know God and want to assist me and my son.
I live in a very difficult condition in South Africa and my beloved husband was murdered in cold blood. Till today, Mugabe who is the president of Zimbabwe and living a free life.
We will be willing to work with you in the most deligent and respectful manner. My son will in most times be in contact with you because he understand english and I am involved in Evangelism in the Camp.
Our number is :+ 27 78 308 0492 but you can as well give us your telephone number to call.
Thank you again and may God bless you and all your family.
Bye
Helen Bonganu
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Hi Helen,
I don’t know God personally, but I talk to him every night wishing for everything from health and happiness, to giving me the winning lottery numbers or at the very least, making my taxes go away. I’m sorry to hear your husband was murdered in cold blood. You never hear about people being murdered in hot blood, but still, cold blood gives me the chills (literally.)
I look forward to hearing from your son, I am glad he is doing well and I wish to have his name. I won’t make long distance/overseas calls, because I had an issue where I called Russia to speak to my new wife and her brother told me to send money or he would have her killed. I never met her and we had to get divorced. I was in financial ruins which is why your $70 million sounds like music to my ears. The song it’s playing is “I’m Never Going To Work Again.” But really, your well-being is first and foremost on my list, so I want you to be well, and then once that is secured, I want to talk about the money.
It is a bright new day, and I say hallelujah!
God Bless,
Doug
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From: Helen Bongani <helenbonganu@hotmail.com>
To: Doug
Subject: RE: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
Dear Doug,
To: Doug
Subject: RE: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
Dear Doug,
You have not responded to our emails. Please let us hear from you and if you permit, let us have your telephone number to call you today.
Thank you
Ms Helen Bonganu
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: ACKNOWLEDGEMENT- PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Dear Ms. Helen Bonganu,
You have not responded to my emails. I was hoping receive a gift, in the form of a resurrected email from you on Easter. Please be prepared to hear from me but send along your phone number and a nice time to reach you.
Best Regards,
Doug
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From: Helen Bonganu <helenbonganu@hotmail.com>
To: Doug
Subject: THANK YOU
To: Doug
Subject: THANK YOU
Dear Doug,
My son did send you a mail. Because of the perculiarity of where we stay, we don’t have daily access to the internet. Please forgive me if I fail to live up to your expectations. We have giving you our telephone number before and it is: +27 78 308 0492. It will be good if you can call us. If I am not with the phone, my son Tony will definitely will.
Thank you
Ms Helen Bonganu
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: THANK YOU
Subject: Re: THANK YOU
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Helen!
Oh Glorious heaven day! With everything going on in the world, flooding, war, hunger, Snooky, etc., it is nice to finally be able to sit down, close my eyes, and think about all of the money you’re sending me. I am sitting here with my routing number and account number, I just wish there was a good phone number to reach you. I called 27 78 308 0492 and some guy picked up and said there was no Tony or Helen there. Who is that person? I do not believe he follows the same Lord as you and I because he told me, in a very bad way, to go make love to myself.
Please issue another number, or maybe I can just email you the information? I want to help make your trouble go away but I also need money because people are looking for me. I will explain on the phone.
With tears of joy,
Doug
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Hello Doug,
Please respond to our emails.
We are waiting for you.
Thank you
Ms Helen Bonganu
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From: Doug
Subject: Re: THANK YOU
Subject: Re: THANK YOU
To: helenbonganu@hotmail.com
Dearest Helen,
It is with great sorrow that I email you with bad news. I need more money than we originally discussed. My mother has passed away, and she owed me forty dollars. I knew that she would never pay me back, but I lent it to her anyway because I knew one day I would dig her grave and take her jewelry. Her nickname was “Snatchasaurus.” She would be disgusted if she knew I was consorting with a person of your ilk. If someone knew I was in cahoots with you, they may simply refer to you as an arabian wh*re. I would not let them get away with that, Helen, but I do want you to know what people would be saying.
From here on out, we must take great measures to secretly correspond, so I must insist that you use my new untraceable email address:
In the meantime, I have been waiting for Tony Bongani to present me with photograph(s) of you in a warm, relaxed setting. I must know that you are who you say you are, and not a member of the CIA, KGB, Interpol, Philip Morris, or Plaster Fun Time. To be honest, I am hesitant to contact Tony again because when we last spoke on the phone, he instructed me to use the following password phrase to confirm authenticity: “Prepare to receive my meat banana”
I will not be intimidated by Tony, Helen. He does not frighten me by his words, but I will admit that I would not kayak with him. I need your assurance that he can be trusted, which is why I require your photo in a beach/hot tub surrounding. Please forward your photo to the secret email address above, and I will move forward by sending those shipping charges to you. Please take under advisement that my new number is $12 million.
God is watching us*
Doug
* – Joan Osborne
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From Tony (using Helen Bongani’s email address!):
Hello,
I want to inform you that I have made a special contact whereby the company will come and deliver the fund to you in USA. When the DELEGATE/DELIVERER arrives in USA you will need to pay him some money there in USA face to face, which he will use to clear the luggage containing the fund from the USA customs.
But in case if you do not have any money to pay for the clearance, I have a financier/investor willing to give you a loan to handle this matter. Please confirm if you are ready and the option you have chosen and then I will give you further details.
Tony
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From Doug:
Tony!
It is nice to hear from you again, I was just wondering about Helen. Where is she? I was concerned with her whereabouts and I hope she is well. When we last spoke she was going to send me a picture of herself. Can you send?
I am ready to move forward and do not need help from your financier. However, I would need more information as to how much money I need to present to the DELEGATE. Please advise.
Thank you,
Doug
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From Tony:
Doug.
Nice to hear from you also, I hope you are good. Helen is here in South Africa, but she is down with illness.
Attached is Helen’s pix for your perusal only and due to her sickness she is unable to take other picture for now.
Good to hear that you are ready to move forward in this project and now that you have confirmed your readiness I will inform the company to finalize the delivery first thing next week. Therefore the DELEGATE will be in USA by next week, though I will keep you posted with the delegate’s itinerary and other information regards the delivery. The money you need to present to the delegate is $5500, please advise if you will have it at hand by Monday 13th December.
Please reconfirm to me your phone number.
Thank you.
Tony
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From Doug:
Helen,
Good Morning. Even though you are gravely ill, Tony sent me your picture. You remind me of one of the hottest television stars in history. You probably get this all the time, but you look like Florida from “Good Times.” She would often cover up with an apron, or her Sunday best, but she simply could not hide those mambie jambies from me. Of course, as a 15 year old boy watching that show, the urges within were alive and well, and without going into details I will tell you that Florida caused me to ruin several sets of our household drapes.
I do have the $5,500 prepared to be delivered to the DELEGATE. Please send me the itinerary immediately. I will pick the DELEGATE up at the airport if they wish. Once I provide the funds, please inform me what the next step is. Will I be getting the 40% of the $70 million in cash, or will there be a wire transfer? If so, I would like to have the routing numbers set up ahead of time so there is no confusion or delay.
These are glorious days Helen. I wish you nothing but the best of health. I would send you my picture, but I don’t want your fever to go up. I apologize if you and Tony are a couple, but I will not deny my feelings for you even though he has access to your email inbox. If you would like to correspond with me secretly behind Tony’s back, my other email address is: knockknockwhostherethepenetrator@gmail.com
Love,
Doug
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From Tony:
Sir,
The delegate arrived in USA already this morning. Give me your direct/cell phone number urgently so that he will contact you immediately.
Thank you.
Tony
f
From Doug:
Send me the DELEGATES name and phone number and I will reach out to him or her.
If they are currently in the United States, that means our transaction is drawing near and this is where I take the reigns. I will be suggesting a locale, a hotel, a restaurant, etc., where we will meet and I can deliver (i.e. ‘make the drop’) of $5,500.
I await your expedient reply, Tony.
Thank you,
Doug
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From Tony:
Doug.
Please stop delaying this process, you have to give me your phone number and address first before I will release name of the delegate. Remember what we are talking about here is 70,000,000.00 not $70K
f
From Doug:
Tony,
I’m not delaying anything, I asked for the DELEGATES name and number. Have you done a transfer of this size before? No, you haven’t. You know who’s currently involved with 3 other transfers of this size, and larger? Me. If you think I’m going to give you my phone number and address so everyone knows where I live, you are mistaken. Did you think that I would conduct this kind of business on my property? My associate, Mr. Smith, will be accompanying me, just so everyone can be very relaxed and friendly. I’m sure you understand my concern when it comes to the amounts of cash we’re discussing.
As I’ve said, I will reach out to the DELEGATE and give that person a time and location. If that’s not acceptable to you, I wish you well in your endeavors.
Thanks,f
Doug
From Tony:
Doug,
Give me your phone number only and forget about your address. This is for security reasons especially for the life of the delegate.
Thank you.
Tony
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From Doug:
Hi Tony,
It seems like we’ve reached the end of our potential transaction. You are unwilling to provide me with the phone number for the DELEGATE. It appears that I’m doing all of the legwork, and provided most of my information, where you have provided next to nothing except for a picture of Helen, which I’ve cherished several times. It matters not, my friend. I recently began receiving alarming correspondence from institutions and agencies you are no doubt familiar with. I received three voicemails, one each from the FBI (Federal Bureau of Investigation), the FTC (Federal Trade Commission), and also one from DnB (Dave and Busters.) I don’t believe that last voicemail has anything to do with our transaction, but could simply be someone calling me back regarding a job application I filled out. Nonetheless, those two other voicemails both mentioned us by name, and also Ms. Susan Kipkalya Kones, who is another person of interest that I’m conducting a transfer for. In another lifetime, Tony, I could have hog bounced all over her, however, now with this unnecessary attention we’ve brought on ourselves, she and I will only be able to email sweet naughties. If you want to see her pictures, let me know.
Hey, we tried right? There was a slight lapse in communication and things would have run more effectively if I was provided with the DELEGATES phone number from the start, but things happen in this business of ours. I wish you well and we will always be email friends.
Fondly,
Doug
p.s. Omerta
(to be Continued?)
[?]
Fwithpeople.com Announcement
Dec 20th
December 20th, 2010: Fwithpeople.com announced it’s partnership with social networking service Twitter. Reached by phone, CEO and Founder Doug Monroe said “It’s nice to be able to type words in, click ‘tweet’, and have whatever I typed show up in almost every electronic format known to man, completely interrupting peoples lives with my gospel.” When asked what his first Tweet was, Monroe said it was ‘asl?’ Monroe was quick to point out that people could follow Fwithpeople.com on Twitter by going to the top right of his blog and putting their cursor over the light blue Twitter button and clicking. When asked “how come the Twitter button is nearly 90% hidden?”, Monroe could only reply with “I have no fucking idea.” Per usual, the F’d of the Day is just below.
[?]
F’d of the Day: The Hoff
Dec 20th
Ho-Ho-Hooooo! How was your trip to the mall this weekend? Ho-Ho-Hooo! Gas is $3 a gallon, Ho-Ho-Hoooo! $475 to fill my oil tank, Ho-Ho-Hooo!! Merry Christmas! We’ve got an updated F’d of the Day for you from Friday. You’re going to like the update, we promise. If you’re at work, relax, lean back, put your feet up and come with us to F Land. Work will be waiting for you when you get back, and it’s going to suck. May the F be with you ™ (Fwithpeople.com will be open for Christmas. Just when you think you’ve opened the last of your presents, you’ll be able to unwrap the F’d of the Day while you sip some egg nog. No assembly required.)
Couples in love (location witheld)
Hello love birds! I am just starting out in photography and need some lovey dovey couples to take photos of. It will be free of charge and compensation will be a CD with 40+ high resolution fully edited photos. So if you are interested in engagement photos or just a fun outting with your love let me know and we can set up a date! All couples from all walks of life are more than welcome!
Thanks and i look forward to working with you!
f
From Doug:
Hello,
My wife and I would be interested, she used to do some modeling work. To be honest, it seems like there has to be some catch. So, what is the catch? Will you be using our photos to promote your business? (Which seems legitimate)
Thanks for any information.
Thanks,
Doug
ff
From Korrie:
Hi, yes I will be putting them in an online portfolio. The main catch is that I have never done this before so you would be helping me get practice in. Sort of a favor exchange I guess 
)
I am looking to do mainly outdoor photos in a “candid yet posed” style. Just the two of you having fun, being lovey, and being yourselves. So my number is ***-***-**** call me to set up a time if you are interested. I have Sunday after 2:30 open and anytime between 1 and 5:30 for start times on Monday. If those don’t work for you we can figure something else out!
f
From Doug:
hi KB,
The main catch is that you’ve never done couples photos before, or, you’ve never been a photographer before? We have a friend that says anyone can be a photographer, all you need is a camera and an index finger. Like I said, my wife has done modeling and, honestly, could probably give you some genuine pointers. She’s been in front of Leibovitz before, which was a total honor for her (even though Annie exhibited odd behavior around the craft services table.) So, she’s done a bunch of different types of shoots, and I’ve always just watched. We’d like to have someone take our photos just being ourselves, outside on a nice day, or, indoors looking out a window, etc. If you want to erase my face from the online portfolio, I completely understand.
So, we’re in ****** Hills. I’ll speak to my wife about Sunday, maybe around 4pm.
Thanks!
Doug
Thanks!
Doug
f
From Korrie:
Well that is impressive she must be pretty hot! Lucky you:o) and if you are married to such a beautiful woman then I doubt I’d need to blur your face! So yeah no photography at all…but I think your friend is wrong, anyone can take a picture but not everyone has an eye for capturing beauty in pure forms. Taking a snap shot of a model will be beautiful because she is beautiful but finding beauty in normal everyday average looking to down right homely people takes a good eye and a kind heart. There is my hippie preaching for the day 
.
.If you know any places you want the pictures done I can meet you there. I only know one little part of ******* which is where lake ***** turns into the high road because I used to live up there…but anywhere you want is good. Thanks for helping me out and I look forward to hearing what ol Annie did at the craft service table!
Korrie
f
From Doug:
Thank you for saying that about my wife, I do feel very lucky. I’ve heard whispers from people that she’s only with me because of my money, but truth be told, I really don’t have as much as she thinks. Anyway, about Leibovitz. First, not many people know this, but her real name is Ann Jones, she just went with Leibovitz to have a more recognizable name in the industry. Second, she was the utmost professional during the shoot, which is why she’s recognized as one of the best photographers in the world. And while her finished product is second to none (sorry Korrie), I did find it unsettling when just before every shot she would say “1…2…3…cheese!” So, anyway, at the craft services table (one of my favorite places, btw), I’m standing there in front of the smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers, and trying to decide on a bagel. I grab the last ‘everything’ bagel, and Annie comes over and puts her hand on the bagel one second after I did. Now, I’m a southern gentleman, but, a bagel is a bagel like a parking spot is a parking spot . She goes “I’m sorry, I had my eye on this bagel.”
Me: “I love everything bagels, too. Since this one is gone, maybe you’d like to slip into something a little more comfortable, like that Sesame bagel?”
Annie: “I’m sorry. I just finished up a really exhausting shoot. I meant to come over earlier and, you know, set this bagel aside. It’s a process I have. Before the shoot, a glass of grapefruit juice and a cigarette. Then after the shoot, I have an everything bagel, with smoked salmon, lowfat cream cheese, and a light sprinkle of capers.”
Me: “Well, before an exhausting shoot, certainly, I could see how you would want to follow your typical routine. Maybe the juice combined with the cigarette help steady your hand, or, see light a certain way or whatever. I will have to disagree with you on the ‘after’ part, because, at this point, the shoot is over. Your body has no idea what’s coming next, so I mean, you could just have a slice of pizza or maybe a nap. You know?”
Annie: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Me: “I’m Doug Monroe.”
Annie: “Nice to meet you, Doug. I’m Annie Leibovitz. This (holds out arms and pivots body, looking around.) All of this that you see around you? The staging, the lighting, the camera, the assistants? All of it is mine.”
Me: “Nice to meet you, Annie. I’m Doug Monroe. This? (Holds up bagel) All of this bagel that you see in my hand? The top half, the bottom half, the dried garlic and onion, poppy seeds and sesame seeds? All of it is mine.”
Annie: “You really are a prick.”
Me: “Well, maybe, but I’m a prick with a really good bagel.”
Let’s just say that we don’t exchange Christmas cards, but if you have the chance, I certainly would recommend working with her. I’ll talk to my wife Debbie about a good spot around ******, she’s up there all the time, running the trails with our dog.
Happy Friday,
Doug
(Continued)
From Korrie:
Haha you sound like a big smart ass like myself. I am shy though so I probably would have given her the bagel but I wouldn’t be happy or proud of myself for doing it. It would have fun funny if you licked or took a big bite of it real quick…or said “well seeing that you are just such a big deal I would think you could arrange to make sure you have your very own special everything bagel, I am just Doug and I have to take what I can get so I took this bagel”Well if shes only with you for money shes got a long miserable unloving life ahead of her, but I highly doubt that is the case.
Maybe your dog can be in the pictures too, I looooove dogs. Just an idea )
Talk to you soon.
Korrie
From Doug:
Hi Korrie,
Yeah. She is quite a diva. At the end of the day she goes “I hope you liked your bagel” and I said “I hope your index finger dies in a fire.” I know that sounds awful and I wasn’t serious, but she told us earlier in the day that she has a $1 million insurance policy on it. Her ego was on par with Hasselhoff’s. My wife was in a couple of episodes of Baywatch. Again, I’m at the craft services table, and they had these little bite-size creampuffs that were an absolute delight. So, I’m just standing there, waiting for my wife to be finished, and I’m dunking creampuff after creampuff into the chocolate fountain.
Hasselhoff: (all ego) “If you keep eating those, you’re going to turn INTO a creampuff.” (followed by a phony laugh)
Me: “HAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s not even scientifically possible, Dave.”
Hasselhoff: “Have we met?”
Me: “I think so. You’re the guy that doesn’t know how to properly administer CPR, yet has a television show based on his ability to rescue people. I’m the guy that gets to eat and drink on the set of this trainwreck, which has ‘shockingly’ been omitted from receiving an Emmy nomination for the 4th straight year.”
Hasselhoff: “Awards are nice, but there are only two things you can do with them. Polish them, and split rails of coke on them.”
Me: “How would you know?”
Hasselhoff: “About the polish, or the coke?”
Me: “Neither, how would you know about getting an award?”
I’ll send you a picture of us and our dog. I love that dog more than I love myself. I mean, I wouldn’t donate bone marrow to her, but I like when she does tricks.
Have a nice afternoon.
Doug
(to be continued, I guess)
[?]
F’d of the Day: Two-fer! (100 Posts!)w
Dec 17th
We’re rolling out Two F’d of the Days today. Why? Well, to show you how much we appreciate your readership. Also, this is our 100th post, roughly 92 more than we thought we would ever have. Let’s face it, you could spend your time on over a billion other web sites. I’m often asked “Doug, what do you like most about your readers?” The thing I like most is that there are only 12 of you, so I’ll be seeing all of you at various Holiday parties this weekend. Have people sent in an email with pics to tightlyboundawesomeboobers@fwithpeople.com? Nope. Do people email in about a free t-shirt to contest@fwithpeople.com? Nope. But that’s okay. The important thing is, you come back periodically and see what we’re up to. If you’re at work, let’s face it, you’ve shut ‘er down for the weekend. Now sit back and relax. Let Doug whisk you away to F Land. Their ad and emails are in black, Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™ (and if you haven’t seen this mornings F’d of the Day, just scroll down after this one)
Couples in love (location witheld)
Hello love birds! I am just starting out in photography and need some lovey dovey couples to take photos of. It will be free of charge and compensation will be a CD with 40+ high resolution fully edited photos. So if you are interested in engagement photos or just a fun outting with your love let me know and we can set up a date! All couples from all walks of life are more than welcome!
Thanks and i look forward to working with you!
f
From Doug:
Hello,
My wife and I would be interested, she used to do some modeling work. To be honest, it seems like there has to be some catch. So, what is the catch? Will you be using our photos to promote your business? (Which seems legitimate)
Thanks for any information.
Thanks,
Doug
ff
From Korrie:
Hi, yes I will be putting them in an online portfolio. The main catch is that I have never done this before so you would be helping me get practice in. Sort of a favor exchange I guess )
I am looking to do mainly outdoor photos in a “candid yet posed” style. Just the two of you having fun, being lovey, and being yourselves. So my number is ***-***-**** call me to set up a time if you are interested. I have Sunday after 2:30 open and anytime between 1 and 5:30 for start times on Monday. If those don’t work for you we can figure something else out!
f
From Doug:
hi KB,
The main catch is that you’ve never done couples photos before, or, you’ve never been a photographer before? We have a friend that says anyone can be a photographer, all you need is a camera and an index finger. Like I said, my wife has done modeling and, honestly, could probably give you some genuine pointers. She’s been in front of Leibovitz before, which was a total honor for her (even though Annie exhibited odd behavior around the craft services table.) So, she’s done a bunch of different types of shoots, and I’ve always just watched. We’d like to have someone take our photos just being ourselves, outside on a nice day, or, indoors looking out a window, etc. If you want to erase my face from the online portfolio, I completely understand.
So, we’re in ****** Hills. I’ll speak to my wife about Sunday, maybe around 4pm.
Thanks!
Doug
Thanks!
Doug
f
From Korrie:
Well that is impressive she must be pretty hot! Lucky you:o) and if you are married to such a beautiful woman then I doubt I’d need to blur your face! So yeah no photography at all…but I think your friend is wrong, anyone can take a picture but not everyone has an eye for capturing beauty in pure forms. Taking a snap shot of a model will be beautiful because she is beautiful but finding beauty in normal everyday average looking to down right homely people takes a good eye and a kind heart. There is my hippie preaching for the day .
.If you know any places you want the pictures done I can meet you there. I only know one little part of ******* which is where lake ***** turns into the high road because I used to live up there…but anywhere you want is good. Thanks for helping me out and I look forward to hearing what ol Annie did at the craft service table!
Korrie
f
From Doug:
Thank you for saying that about my wife, I do feel very lucky. I’ve heard whispers from people that she’s only with me because of my money, but truth be told, I really don’t have as much as she thinks. Anyway, about Leibovitz. First, not many people know this, but her real name is Ann Jones, she just went with Leibovitz to have a more recognizable name in the industry. Second, she was the utmost professional during the shoot, which is why she’s recognized as one of the best photographers in the world. And while her finished product is second to none (sorry Korrie), I did find it unsettling when just before every shot she would say “1…2…3…cheese!” So, anyway, at the craft services table (one of my favorite places, btw), I’m standing there in front of the smoked salmon, cream cheese and capers, and trying to decide on a bagel. I grab the last ‘everything’ bagel, and Annie comes over and puts her hand on the bagel one second after I did. Now, I’m a southern gentleman, but, a bagel is a bagel like a parking spot is a parking spot . She goes “I’m sorry, I had my eye on this bagel.”
Me: “I love everything bagels, too. Since this one is gone, maybe you’d like to slip into something a little more comfortable, like that Sesame bagel?”
Annie: “I’m sorry. I just finished up a really exhausting shoot. I meant to come over earlier and, you know, set this bagel aside. It’s a process I have. Before the shoot, a glass of grapefruit juice and a cigarette. Then after the shoot, I have an everything bagel, with smoked salmon, lowfat cream cheese, and a light sprinkle of capers.”
Me: “Well, before an exhausting shoot, certainly, I could see how you would want to follow your typical routine. Maybe the juice combined with the cigarette help steady your hand, or, see light a certain way or whatever. I will have to disagree with you on the ‘after’ part, because, at this point, the shoot is over. Your body has no idea what’s coming next, so I mean, you could just have a slice of pizza or maybe a nap. You know?”
Annie: “I’m sorry, who are you?”
Me: “I’m Doug Monroe.”
Annie: “Nice to meet you, Doug. I’m Annie Leibovitz. This (holds out arms and pivots body, looking around.) All of this that you see around you? The staging, the lighting, the camera, the assistants? All of it is mine.”
Me: “Nice to meet you, Annie. I’m Doug Monroe. This? (Holds up bagel) All of this bagel that you see in my hand? The top half, the bottom half, the dried garlic and onion, poppy seeds and sesame seeds? All of it is mine.”
Annie: “You really are a prick.”
Me: “Well, maybe, but I’m a prick with a really good bagel.”
Let’s just say that we don’t exchange Christmas cards, but if you have the chance, I certainly would recommend working with her. I’ll talk to my wife Debbie about a good spot around ******, she’s up there all the time, running the trails with our dog.
Happy Friday,
Doug
(To Be Continued)
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