F'ing people, one email at a time
F’d of the Day: Scamsville, Population: me
What’s up mof*ckies? Guess who’s been busy on his secret blog? That’s right, your boy Doug. But here we are, on a cold and rainy Saturday morning, so why not F with some Email scammers, right? It just felt like the time was right, but get ready because it’s almost time to provide you the link to the new blog. Pretty exciting, right?
Their email is in black, and Doug types it up in blue. May the F be with you ™
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From: Carter, Cllr C <christopher.carter@hants.gov.uk>
Subject: Hello
I am Mrs Maries Etters, a devoted Christian. I have chosen you for an inheritance. Please contact me for more details. Private contact email mrsmariesetters15@hotmail.co.ukmrsmariesetters15@hotmail.co.uk> <mailto:mrsmaries-etters100@hotmail.co.uk> thank you.
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From Doug:
Dear Beloved Maries,
Ohh SO naughty that you are emailing me about an inheritance. ooooooh. I’m reading your email while I’m in the bathtub with my iPad. I usually take one bath, but today I felt like I needed two because I had my yearly physical this morning. The Doctor was very gentle and very thorough. I thought we had finished but then he produced a tube of “Surgical Lubricant”, at which point I was hoping he was going to fix a squeaky door. Nope. He told me that I was going to experience some discomfort and proceeded to check my prostate for lumps. I don’t know if he was unsettled from a bad commute or what, but you would have thought he lost his wedding ring down a drain. Making matters worse, he had fingers like Wilt Chamberlain.
This iPad has been everything I hoped for, although I’m a little disappointed with the Kindle application. I’ve always wanted to read the Harry Potter series, but because I didn’t have the parental guides turn on, I accidentally downloaded “Gary Potter and The Sorcerer of Cock”, which, from what I can tell, is about a bunch of scantilly clad warlocks that slap each others balls for fun. I’m not sure if I’ll read the whole thing, but I believe I am near the climax when Gary finally gets to confront Lord Taint about a mysteriously stinky broomhandle.
Well, that’s it from this side of the pond. Let’s hear a little bit more about that inheritance.
Every Blessing,
Doug
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