F’d of the Day: Greener Pastures

Well, things may be winding down here at Fwithpeople.com in the very near future.  There’s an exciting opportunity to become a writer for a much larger blog that needs some life breathed into it.  You may have heard of Perez Hilton by now?  That’s not the one I’m interviewing for.  In fact, I don’t go on Perez from work because anyone walking by can see my screen, and there is no mistaking a background that’s the color of cock.  Wish me luck on my interview by emailing:   nochance@fwithpeople.com

Due to time constraints, we give you a CLASSIC F’d of the Day today:

Good Morning from Fwithpeople.com.  The Holidays are fast approaching and it’s that time of year to celebrate Santa, alcohol, and opening presents.  Speaking of opening presents, whether you’re at your office Christmas party, or shopping at the mall, always be on the lookout for boobers wrapped in tightly knit sweaters.  Send pics to tightlyboundawesomeboobers@fwithpeople.com.  In other news, we’re happy to announce we’re approaching 100 posts with little to no readership.  Sure, some of them may be considered duds, but that 100th post is going to be a doozie.  Doug fired up a chat with C*mcast, the worlds leading and only cable service provider.  Their representative types in black, and Doug types it up in blue.  May the F be with you ™

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Doug > I have questions about television.

Jonnifer > Hello Doug_, Thank you for contacting C*mcast Live Chat Support. My name is Jonnifer. Please give me one moment to review your information.

Doug_ > Hi Jennifer, how are you today?

Jonnifer > A pleasant day to you! We appreciate the time you are taking to contact us. I will be assisting you from here on out. Before anything else, how is your day so far?

Jonnifer > I’m just peachy Doug. Thank you.

Jonnifer > How about yours?

Doug_ > Really good!

Doug_ > Peachy?!  Haha!

Jonnifer > Awesome! Glad to hear that Doug.

Doug_ > I believe it’s spelled J-e-n-n-i-f-e-r.

Jonnifer > Thank you, but my name has an o.  How can I help you today?

Doug_ > I have a couple of questions, and both of them are fairly serious.

Jonnifer > Sure, go ahead. I will do my best to answer them for you.

Doug_ > Well, first, my wife Debbie is here, sitting next to me, as always, and she says “hi.”

Jonnifer > Hello there Debbie.

Doug_ > From Debbie:  “Hi Jonnifer”

Jonnifer > And how are you today?

Doug_ > From Debbie:  “I’m doing really good, thank you.  How are you?”

Jonnifer > I’m great, thank you.

Doug_ > Alright, enough, before this thing turns into a hen coop.

Doug_ > The reason why she’s sitting next to me is because we vehemently disagree on something and need a third party from C*mcast, in this case, you, to confirm one way or another.  This could literally be life or death.  Let me know when you’re ready.

(slight delay)…Jonnifer > I’m ready.

Doug_ > It looks like you might be helping other customers, so we will wait.  Thank you!

Jonnifer > No worries Doug, I’m ready when you are.

Jonnifer > That’s very thoughtful of you. Thanks.

Doug_ > Okay.  We’ve been watching the show “The Walking Dead” on AMC.  Now, I say that this show is made up of actors, and stuntmen, and people with a lot of make-up on to look like Zombies, and they’re all following a script.  Debbie thinks this is a reality show, and that Zombies have really taken over Atlanta, feeding on humans, and are spreading north.  Can you confirm or deny that this show is make-believe?

Jonnifer > That’s a good question Doug.

Doug_ > It’s just a show, right?

Jonnifer > The program “The Walking Dead” is a new series. It’s actually really cool if you get to watch it. I thought of it as a movie when I first saw the ads. If I’m not mistaken, this was premiered last November in time for Halloween.

Doug_ > So this confirms that it is just a show.  Debbie was up all night packing some of her belongings and was thinking about going north to Canada.  She thought the Zombies wouldn’t be able to cross the border without passports. 

Jonnifer > Well, you could not be more careful nowadays Doug. But thank you for taking the time to chat in with this concern. I hope we were able to clear that one out.

Doug_ > I do have one more question. 

Doug_ > Is it okay if I ask?

Doug_ > (That’s not the question)

Jonnifer > Sure thing. Fire ahead.

Doug_ > A friend of mine called and told me that WikiLeaks was going to release information about Pay-Per-View movies I may or may not have rented. 

Doug_ > They don’t have access to that, right?

Jonnifer > The movies that you rent and any information for that matter Doug, is held with utmost confidentiality between you and the Cable provider. This information is not shared publicly.

Doug_ > Good.  So, not even you can see them?

Jonnifer > If it is recorded in our system Doug, an analyst will be able to see them if you request for the information.

Doug_ > Oh.  OH.  Well, don’t go looking, I was just curious.  Just as long as WikiLeaks doesn’t have access, there’s nothing to worry about.  I would like to recommend the process be a little more difficult when ordering a pay-per-view movie, because I accidentally hit “enter”, and then “order” and then “buy now” for something called “The Milftrix” which I did not watch, in it’s entirety.

 Jonnifer > Sure thing Doug.  Thank you for the suggestion.

Jonnifer > I really enjoyed chatting with you Doug. I hope I was able to help you with your concerns and answer your questions today.

Doug_ > Before we leave, do you have any questions for Debbie and I?

Jonnifer > I’m good Doug.

Jonnifer > I wish the both of you Happy Holidays.

Doug_ >  Thank you.  You were very good.

Jonnifer > Thank you so much. I appreciate the compliment Doug.

(The End)

Starring:

Doug as himself

Jonnifer as herself

Related posts:

1. F’d of the Day: Attack of the Zombies