F’d of the Day: Sir Chats-a-lot

Quick Afternoon F’d of the Day.  Not that good, but better than nothing, and certainly better than anything you’ve posted here.  Doug is in blue, they’re in black.  May the F be with you ™

f

f

Doug

Are you available for chat?

analyst Lucia has entered room
Lucia

Hello Doug_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Lucia. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Doug

Lucia, Hello, welcome to the chat.  Thank you for joining me.
Lucia

Hi! This is Lucy. You have reached the cable department. How are you feeling today? I hope that you are in the best of health.
Lucia

Yes, I am.
Doug

I was wondering, if I had an issue today, would you or another Comcast representative be available for a chat?
Lucia

I am glad that I have you on this chat session this afternoon, Doug.
Lucia

Definitely, yes.
Lucia

I am at your service.
Lucia

May I know what issues do we have?
Doug

Thanks for the well wishes on my health, although I detect that was a cut and pasted greeting.  Just a simple question:  If I had an issue with my service, whether it’s my digital cable, or my internet access, would you be available to chat?
Lucia

Do you have an active service with us?
Doug

JUST NEED TO KNOW IF YOU OR SOMEONE WOULD BE AVAILABLE.
Lucia

Yes, I can readily give all information about your service if you are having a problem.

Doug

I don’t have an issue at the moment.  I just wanted to see if someone was here to help, in the event I had a problem.  Do you mind if I just think about it for a moment?  I’m pretty sure there is an issue, if I really think hard.
Lucia

For account verification, may I please have the complete phone or account number and the last four digits of your social security number?
Doug

Hold on a second.  Thinking.
Lucia

Okay.
Lucia

I am here to help you out with all my resources.
Doug

I can’t find my account number.  I am so stupid.  That is one of the things I don’t like.  My account number is really long.  It could be something a little easier to remember, like 7.  Let me keep thinking.
Lucia

Go ahead.
Lucia

That is fine.
Lucia

Do you know your phone number on your account?
Doug

Hold on one moment please.  Now I have a dumb customer on my phone.  A real dummy.
Lucia

Okay. I will wait.
Doug

Oh my god.  That person was dumb.  You probably deal with dumb people all day on here.
Lucia

Not really. They just need enough information.
Doug

Okay Lucia, thank you for your help.  I have to go but I will sign up for another chat when I can think of an issue.
Lucia

I see.
Doug

It will probably be price related, or how come the On Demand movies suck.

Lucia

If you need further assistance, you can chat with one of our Customer Support Specialists 24 hours a day, 7 days a week or call us at 1-800-934-6489.
Doug

Wait.  I think I just thought of an issue.  I want to suggest that you come out with a remote control that you can talk to.  Example:  “Remote, find something good on”, or, “Remote, where are you?” or “Remote, Kill the Kardashians.”
Lucia

Thank you for the suggestion, Doug. I would be more than willing to pass it along to management.

Doug

Thank you.  Please do not pass off the idea as your own.  I was in another online chat with Apple and said it would be neat if you could store MP3’s on a Walkman, and then they released the iPod.

Lucia

Thank you for the suggestion, Doug. I will be sure that you get full credit.

Doug

Related posts:

1. F’d of the Day: C*mcast Revisited
2. F’d of the Day: Attack of the Zombies
3. F’d of the Day: C*mcast